Tag: hair

Taking Care

The various stages of my hair journey.

I’ve been talking about my hair quite a bit lately. Again.

When I first went natural in college, it was for the most bizarre of reasons.  I had an event to go to with my then boyfriend (now hubby) and I needed to get my hair done.  I needed a relaxer, badly.  I checked my funds and they were next to nothing. My paycheck from my on campus job wasn’t due for another week. I hadn’t budgeted properly, but I knew I couldn’t go to a formal event looking like Benny in search of a home. So, when I got to the salon, I already knew what I was going to do.

The stylist whipped the cape out around and in front of me. Snapping it up, she said, “What are doing today?”

“Cutting it off,” I said, no hesitation.

“What?” came the response. So I repeated it.  And thus began the back and forth between me and her about my certainty to take this drastic step.  Mind you, I wasn’t looking like Rapunzel about the head, but I did have shoulder length hair.  I don’t think she had a clientele that came in requesting a big chop that often. Keep in mind, this was 1999.  She began to cut, but after few inches, she would check in with me to make sure I was still okay with what she was doing.  I was.  Cut, snip, cut, snip.  And then, it was over. I had about an two inches of hair all the way around.  And I loved it.

The reactions I got were mixed. I honestly can’t even remember what they were aside from complete surprise from Craig and my friends. I hadn’t told anyone I was doing it. I went with the sister of one of my good friends and she was totally blown as she watched the whole thing unfold.  But, I loved it.  I felt free.  Wash and go! No more curling irons! No more worrying about my ‘do when the forecast called for rain!  It was liberating and awesome.  All because, I didn’t have enough money for a relaxer and had no clue I could have gotten a box kit from CVS for the same price it cost me to have all of my hair chopped off.  Sometimes, ignorance really is bliss.

When I think about that time, especially regarding my hair care routine, I really was ignorant.  I just washed, conditioned and rolled.  I used some gel to get some curl definition, but I had no where near the products I have now.  It wasn’t as if no one had ever been natural before. It was just that, it wasn’t as popular as it is now.  I didn’t have the resources like message boards, magazines, a variety of products or someone else to model after the way I do now.  I just let my hair grow; I didn’t get regular trims or anything.  Truthfully, I was pretty hard on my hair by the sheer fact that I didn’t do anything to it.

Like I said, I let it grow and grow, until I had the ‘fro for which I’m now known.  But then I got engaged, and since my parents were kindly footing the bill, they got to have a say on a few things — like my hair.  I was 21, not quite the self-possessed woman I am now, so I just rolled with it.  It took two relaxers to go from ‘fro to straight.  Then I had the stylist cut it into a cute little pixie.  When I was done, I went to get in the car and my dad wouldn’t open the door; he didn’t recognize me.

By this time, it’s 2001.  I kept the relaxer for a while as I let my hair grow again.  It was easy to fall back into the relaxed hair routine.  Natural hair was not receiving the love or attention (at least not where I was living), so I did what I knew how to do — got a relaxer.  Over time, I grew tired of maintenance, and decided to go back to the natural.  So, I put in some braids and started to grow my hair back out.  My hair care ritual was much like it was in the past, a very hands off approach.  I prided myself in the fact I wasn’t spending my Saturdays in the salon with everyone and their mother.  I loved how I could pick out my hair and have my brother trim it up with his clippers.  Thus began the advent of my grandmother asking me, “When are you going to fix your hair!”.  Good times.

Fast forward to 2010.  I’d grown tired of my ‘fro.  It had a life of it’s own.  It preceded me into a room. It had it’s own clique of friends.    It announced me, even when I wasn’t trying to be seen. I kept telling Craig that I was going to get a relaxer and he advised against it offering up braids and presses as an alternative.  One day, I just had had enough.  So I carried myself on over to the Hair Cuttery and said, “Let’s do this!”  The pixie had returned.

I loved that hair cut, but the maintenance was more than I wanted.  With short hair, you’ve got to keep it looking tight and that’s work.  I had to schedule appointments around the girls school schedule. I had to wrap it up and was afraid to work out, lest I sweat out the chemicals.  I kept a mini flat iron in my purse so that I could lay down the back as needed. There’s a reason they call the relaxer “creamy crack” — you just can’t get off that janx!

My breaking point came towards the end of that summer.  I’d had it. It had been hotter than all get out. I was constantly worried that my hair would “snap back”, that my nape (or kitchen for those of you in the know) would start to resemble a sheeps’ backside.  I went to the hairdresser for another touch-up and trim, and for as much as I enjoyed the community feel of the salon, I got fed up with being bumped from the chair when other patrons came in.  So, I decided that last touch up was going to be the last touch up.  When it came time for me to go back, when the kitchen started looking like “baaa, baaa, baaa,” I called my hairdresser and asked her to squeeze me in to cut the relaxer out.  She said come on over and guess who she bumped so I could get the scissor treatment? My own mother! SN: she has since gone natural herself and looks fantastic!

Despite the stink eye from my mom, it was the best salon experience I’d had in a while.  In about 5 minutes, I was back to my old self, and it felt great.  I told myself that this time, I was going to be more conscious about how I treated my hair.  Natural hair was en vogue and resources abounded.  I tried some tried and true products like Miss Jessie’s and Elasta QP, and I tried new products like Mixed Chixx and Ouidad.  I joined message boards. I read product reviews and all articles talking about natural hair care tips and tricks.  I put little to no heat on my hair. I got a satin pillow case and a new satin night cap.  I’ve talked with other curly girlies about products and practices, about curl types and curl friendly combs.  I found a hairdresser who wears her hair naturally, so she has experience with hair like mine.  I talk, she listens.  She advises, I comply.   I go for regular trims.  I’ve learned that no matter how many times you follow the same steps, the humidity, barometric pressure, alignment of the planets and the amount of iron in your blood will make your hair look differently every.single.time.  There’s no such thing as duplicating the same look, but that’s what makes it all unique and totally individual.

I make sure the girls see what I was doing because this is how they will learn to take care of their own hair.  Even though they see the brush and take off running in the other direction, I’m not going to relax their hair.  If, when they are grown women, they want to do that, it’s their choice.  As for now, I think this graphic sums it up nicely.

(image)

I’m leading by example (I have a natural hair themed Pinterest board).  I love the path I’ve taken.

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IN: ON: October 1, 2012 TAGS: BY: Hilary
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hair

Hair We Go Again

So, after a little less than a year with a pixie cut, I decided to go back to my natural curly ‘do.  I’ve been relaxer free (again) since November of 2010 and I’m still trying to figure out my hair.

I don’t know why I was surprised to learn that harsh chemical treatments might have long term effects on my hair.  What used to be a pretty consistent curl pattern from front to back has morphed into a more relaxed pattern in the front moving towards more tightly coiled curls in the back.  For those curly girls out there, from my forehead to my crown, I’m like a 3b and from my crown the nape of my neck I’m a 4a. I kept telling myself that the front was still perm that was growing out and that I just needed to go get it trimmed off once and for all.  
Truth be told, I’d had enough of hair salons for a while. During my days of the short cut, the time, maintenance, and upkeep involved was not fun.  Sure, my hair was cute when I left the salon.

But, I’m not a professional and sweat a lot in my head when I work out.  I missed the convenience of just jumping the shower, running some product on my wet head and heading out the door.  So when I went back to natural, I went back to my old routine of DIY hair care.  After a few months, I realized, I’d outgrown that, too.  
The fact is, I’ve really grown in how I come to care for my hair and how I understand my hair. My mother has a totally different hair texture than I do; my thick curls are courtesy of my paternal grandmother — the one who is always asking me when I’m going to do something with my hair.  When I was younger, mother’s solution to my kinky curls was to perm often. Whereas she might have had her hair straightened every 8 to 10 months, I was going every 8 to 10 weeks.  Crazy, I know.  But she didn’t know what to do and I learned to care for my hair by watching her do my own.  Here’s how clueless I was. . .I had no idea you could buy a perm kit at the drugstore and do it yourself.  When I was in need of touch-up to my roots and didn’t have enough money, I just told the stylist to cut it all off.    It was just hair. What’s the big deal?  I had about an inch of curly hair all around and the only thing I did was add some gel and roll.  As it grew into a more fuller afro, I would have my brother or my dad trim it up with their clippers.  Seriously, I was about as low maintenance as you could get. I didn’t know anything about curl types or sealing moisture into my hair with oil or satin pillowcases.  I don’t know what I was busy with, but it certainly wasn’t my hair.  
This time around, though, I decided the best way for me to get the results that I wanted:

 (i.e. my old hair)

I needed to understand what I had and how best to treat it. 
So, I talked with some friends about their curly hair experiences.  I listened to other curly girls expound on their love and loathe relationship with natural hair, everything from botched cuts from professionals claiming to know how to shape and cut to that one day when the stars aligned, the humidity was just right and the curls were perfect.   I started a Pinterest inspiration board, teeming with images of awesome natural hair, so that when my resolve started to crack, I could bolster myself up.   went to websites and looked up curl types, best hair brushes, highly recommended de-tanglers and so forth. I tried different products. . .many different products.
My arsenal of products
I found a stylist in a local salon who, after a lengthy conversation, said she would be able to trim out the rest of the relaxer and get me on my way to my curls of yore.  When we met, I discovered she wore her hair naturally (bonus!) and was really listening to my concerns and needs about my hair.  She was the one who told me that in truth, there wasn’t much relaxer left in my hair. The scraggly pieces I was seeing was how my natural hair responded to the relaxer over time.  Whether or not the front would match the back would remain to be seen.

From that appointment on, I have been more pro-active in what I do to my hair.  There’s more detangling involved. More parting my hair into quadrants and applying product on tedious section at a time, but I’m beginning to see more of what I want and less of what I don’t.  I invested in a Denman brush that I quickly gave to the girls, and a Tangle Teezer, which is fan-freaking-tastic. I got my hands on another set of products called Komaza and thus, adequately armed, jumped back into the natural, curly girl fray.  Here’s what happened.

Took off the sleep cap to reveal this Medusa-esque tangle of hair.  Into the shower, I go.  
It’s rough, I know.

I washed with Miss Jessie’s Super Slip Sudsy Shampoo.  It’s very slippery in your hands, but feels tacky once it’s on your hair.  It claims to remove all product build-up and leave your hair manageable, but my hair felt really dried out, even while wet (if that makes sense).  I suppose that was a testament to how truly clean my hair was.  After the shampoo, I used Komaza’s Califia Leave-In Conditioner and combed it through with my Tangle Teezer.  I wrapped a tee-shirt around my head, got out of the shower, and got dressed.  Once I was dressed, I unwound the tee-shirt and my hair was very damp. I sectioned it off and then used Komaza’s Califia Moisturizing Cream and finger styled the rest.

Squeaky clean. Hair was still pretty wet. Just put in the product.

By the end of the day, I was still pretty pleased with my hair, though there was some curl shrinkage. I really want a product that is going to be heavy enough to let my curls hang down, but not something that is going to dry them out and cause frizz.  And since I’m making requests, I’d also like $10 million a year, every year for the rest of my life.  Thanks.

End of the day. Dry hair, lots of shrinkage (in my opinion)

Not a bad start. There’s room for improvement and I’m talking about my own technique. I plan to go back to the salon, have my ends trimmed to keep things healthy and just take the rest one day at a time. I’ve also decided to stop calling this experience a “hair battle”; my hair is probably taking offense at that and I need everyone to cooperate.  
And now I’m off to Sephora to remedy this hot-death-warmed-over look I’ve got going on. . .

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IN: hair ON: February 16, 2012 TAGS: , BY: Hilary
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hair

And again with the Hair

As I’ve talked about again and again, I’ve got this thing with my hair. Well, here we go one more time.

This was me in 1999. . . .pretty cute at 21, right?
Bright eyes, big smile, average hair.

My hair was just that — hair, not something I worried about much until I needed to get it touched up or trimmed. DH and I were dating — I was a junior in college, he was in law school — and he invited me to a formal. Being the broke college student that I was, I was in a pinch on getting my hair done. Somehow I had finagled a dress, but hadn’t budgeted for a trip to the salon. At least, I couldn’t afford to get the full on relaxer that I so desperately needed. And somehow, I had gone 20 years not knowing that I could have picked up a $5 box kit of Dark and Lovely at K-Mart off of Bypass Rd. So, I decided to just cut it.

As in cut it all off.


And from then on, my hair became an entity unto itself. Once it was cut, I just let it do it’s own thing which I quickly found out was to just spiral around and around.



10 plus years is a long time with one hair-do. I mix it up now and then by pulling it back, blowing it out, wearing pig-tails and whatnot, but for the most part, it’s out, large and in charge. I’ve become known for my hair, often joking that I could never rob a bank because. . .well duh, look at the hair! There are drawbacks of course — strangers wanting to touch it- often times uninvited – combing out the tangles, blowing through conditioner like whoa! And even though I torture it by pressing it out, not moisturizing it enough, and who knows what else, (since my hair care skills are pretty non-existent) it’s very resilient.
Aside from the year DH and I got married, it’s been natural a full 10 years. Within the last few years, though I have been toying with the idea of cutting it off and starting over. My chronology may be off, but when Poshdebuted her bob, I was like, “That’s it! I’m doing it! I’m cutting it off!” and DH was there to talk me down from the ledge with what has become his standard response: “Why don’t you get some braids?” Ugh, how I loathe getting my hair braided. I love how it looks, but I can’t sit that long anymore! If I have 8 hours to give up, is the braid shop really where I want to be? C’mon, now!
Usually after this convo, the moment I set foot out the house I, at least half a dozen people would compliment me on my hair. So I would relent and leave my hair alone.
Then Michelle Williams showed up with her pixie, I said, “That’s it! I’m doing it!” and DH pulled me back in. Then Rhianna caused a style frenzy and I said, “I’m all over that!” And even Margene (a.k.aGinnifer Goodwin) got in on the act. It was a vicious cycle until about two days ago. I saw an old picture of Kiera Knightley and dragged DH into that familiar dance of “That’s it! I’m doing it!”
And, then I did.


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IN: hair ON: January 4, 2010 TAGS: BY: Hilary
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Curly Girls

So I’ve been seriously thinking about getting a new ‘do and I finally decided to just get a wash and cut. Every time I get ready to go bold, return to the creamy crack and get crazy with the scissors, I come up with reasons why having the natural hair is so much better than anything else. This last trip to the salon has me convinced for life that it’ll be wash and go or nothing at all.I tried the stylist that my mom has been using over at Dillard’s. If I’m going to get my hair done, I need an appointment, none of this walk-in shit and sit forever while folks who came in after you get in and out before you — that’s the kind of shit you see at those round brush salons — or so I thought.

4 hours later — yes, that is 4, four, hours — I was done. Truth be told, it was alright, but it wasn’t as flat or as straight as I would have liked. Still, I’d been there the better part of the afternoon and was motoring home to let the babysitter in so DH and I could see The Dark Knight (SO good!). Priorities people.When I’ve had my hair blown out in the past, my biggest concern is making sure that I don’t sweat it out before I even leave the salon. Seeing as it’s been hotter than the inside of the Devil’s drawers, I was afraid to even leave the mall! Still, we had fandangoed our tickets, so rather than wrapping it up and rolling home in the ‘do rag, I just hopped in the car and rolled.

I opened the front door and Mo comes careening out of the kitchen towards me until she actually takes a good long look at my ‘do.

“Oh, Mommy,” she breathes (not kidding, she was in a hair trance) “Look at your long hair!” And when I picked her up, her little hands were inspecting every strand, piling it up high and letting it fall back down. “Oh, Mommy, I like your long hair!”

“I like your hair, Mo.” I told her, trying to extricate her hands from my scalp. I looked over at Co who was giving me her best, “Um, and you would be?” look. She wasn’t having any of it. Her sister, though, was following me offering commentary on my “princess hair”. Ugh! Not what I had in mind. It was all I could do to not stick my head under the faucet right then and there. Not the message I want to impart. I just needed a change because I was bored, not because I think that there is something inherently wrong with my curly curls. How do you explain that to a 2 1/2 year old?

Fast forward to yesterday afternoon. Big thunderstorm, no umbrellas. Guess what happened to my hair?

But you know what? I’m not even mad about it. I mean, I gave the straight hair a good run even though I spent the majority of the week sweatin‘ like a whore in church over whether or not I was going to sweat the straight right out. Never mind the fact that the half an hour I purposely get up early for so that I can do my own thing was being usurped by my need to unwrap my hair, brush it out, put the curling iron to it, spray it with sheen and do all the other assorted hair care/maintenance routines that are part and parcel of having certain ‘do’s.
Plus, I am able to make this a teachable moment for Mo who has been gnawing at me about “Why you lose your long hair? Where did it go? Where’s your princess hair?” I need for her to know that I am, that she is, that her grandmothers are, that her sister is BEAUTIFUL no matter what they have growing out of their heads, no matter the color, the texture, the length, the style. I tell her that I like the long hair, but I love my curls and that I love her curls, too.
Oh and if any of you hear me kvetching about how I need a change, how I’m tired of my hair, just point me back here and say, “Curly girls of the world, UNITE!!!”
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IN: ON: July 24, 2008 TAGS: BY: Hilary
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hair

Hair today. . .what’ll it be tomorrow?

I have been having a love/hate relationship with my hair for the past few weeks. I have a reputation for changing my hair color as often as I change my mind. Craig often says he doesn’t know who he’s coming home to. In fact, one of the first things I did after dropping both M and C was reach for the box of Hydrience by Loreal — after the obligatory glass of wine or four of wine and large plate of sushi.

My hair. . .where to begin. I get it from my grandma. Apparently, back in the day, Gram was quite the femme fatale with her curly, reddish golden ‘fro. So along with her penchant for cooking, she passed onto me the Phillips family hair — the whole thing, the color, the curls, all of it.
The funny thing is, Gram always asks me, “When are you gonna fix your hair?,” to which I reply, “It’s not broken! It looks just like yours!”

I used to relax my hair, meaning, I would have some chemical relaxer slathered onto my roots to make it lay as straight flat as an Abercrombie and Fitch model’s stomach. Every 8 weeks, cause my hair is thick, I’d drop my $45+ and get that creamy crack smoothed onto my scalp. Then one day, after checking the ex-chequer, I determined it was time to cut it off. I rocked the TWA (teeny, weenie, Afro) for about 2 years. When the Hubs and I got married, the natural hair care machine was not nearly as robust as it is now.  14 years ago, the phrase Big Chop was not part of the vernacular.  Infusium 23’s Leave-In conditioner and Sebastian’s Wet Gel were about the only products that allowed reasonable curl definition.  The acceptance of natural hair was not very far reaching. My parents leaned on me considerably to “think of the wedding photos!” They were holding the check book, so I caved.  Back to the creamy crack. It took two (2), TWO, applications of the relaxer to get my hair to lay flat.  The force was strong with the curls! After the wedding, I did the straight thing for a while until I got tired of burning my hairline with the curling iron. I threw in some braids and went on my merry way. After that, I decided to cut off the braids and start over with the natural. So here we are.

What I love about my natural hair is that when it comes down to it, I don’t have to do anything. No appointments at a salon. No worrying if I’m going to “sweat out my perm” if I go to the gym. No worrying if my hair will keep because the forecast calls for about 78% humidity. Simply wash and go, on most days. The problem is that no matter what product I put in lately, my curls are rebelling. I’ve tried Miss Jessie’s Curly Pudding, Curl Junkie Curl Fuel, Mixed Chix Leave-in Conditioner, Tresemme Flawless Curl, Sebastien’s Wet Gel, Queen Helene Coconut Hair Milk. I’m about to just say “Screw it” and turn myself over to the stylist to be shackled back up to the relaxer — Affirm, Super Strength. Super. Strength. Did I mention super? Thanks, Gram!

What kills me is that every time I get the nerve to do make the appointment, without fail, I am bombarded with compliments about my hair. It’s as if my hair knows that I’m plotting against it, so it starts to behave, thereby eliciting comments from strangers. Each curl becomes highly moisturized, forms a perfect “S” shape, no sign of split ends, and the curl pattern is as precise as a corn field of concentric circles. And all I can think is, “Well crap, how come it didn’t look this good when I had to go to the Urban League Dinner/Smithfield Christmas party/casting/audition/go-see/actual job or some other function where I was trying to look good? So the cycle repeats. And as a little side note, I’ve got to get a grip on my own hair ’cause who knows what kinds of locks are going to sprout up from Mo and Co as they get older!

Today, I think only half of my hair got the message to act out. From the crown of my head to about a quarter of the way down, the Frizz Contingent is striking out threatening to overrun the lower quadrants of Semi-Respectable Looking Curls. There is a small hold-out of curls near the nape of my neck (also known as the kitchen) that have happily sucked down the curl hydrating goop I used this morning and have consented to fall into a nice tangle of bouncy spirals. The rest, oy! Naps, knots, kinks, coils, frizz, and fuzz. Par for the course with natural hair, I know, but instead of fighting it, I’m learning to work with it.  The results change from day to day, but that’s all part of the journey.

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IN: hair ON: May 21, 2008 TAGS: BY: Hilary
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