Tag: advice

Monday’s Message

(source)

Mondays get a bad wrap.  The fun of the past Friday, Saturday and Sunday is still a tasty morsel of good times in the front of your brain. The promise of next week-ends date nights,  quality family time and general do-nothingness is barely visible on the horizon. The promise of next week-end; it’s like waiting for Santa, the Easter Bunny, and your favorite relative to all come visit at once.

Monday is a buzzkill.

Back to work/school/regualrly scheduled programming.  SN: Now that DWTS is done, what’s there to watch on Monday  night , anyway?  There are emails to send and voice mails to return. Trips to the post office. Trips to the dry cleaner. Stuff to return. Stuff to pick up. Things to do, do, do, whether you work from home, in an office, in school, or somewhere in between.  The bottom-line is there is work to be done. How can you not succumb to the grumbles and gripes of yet another Monday when the clock on the wall is dialing it in,  the coffee has about as much bite to it as a toothless doberman, and Siri is taking a personal day?

I’m making a choice, though.  I’m going to have a good day. . .a good Monday, even.  I had a great week-end. I am ready for what my week has in store. My to-do list is longer than a two-ply roll of toilet paper, but I’m about to get all Chuck Norris on it.

(source)

I’m ready for you, Monday.  Let’s dance.

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IN: ON: December 11, 2011 TAGS: , BY: Hilary
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Monday’s Message

I have a stack of magazines that I have been toting from my nightstand to the car and back to my nightstand with an alarming regularity. Oprah, Parents, Parenting, Glamour, Real Simple, the J.Crew Holiday Catalog: they’re all stuffed into a Whole Foods Tote bag that goes down the stairs, out the door, into the car in the morning.  Then, at the end of the day, out of the car, in the door and up the stairs.  I’ve got 30 minutes while the girls are in swimming lessons. I’ve got 45 minutes while the girls are at tutoring. I’ve got a handful of minutes in various carpool lines.  Have a I cracked a spine on any of the mags? Nope.  I keep thinking that in the midst of all of the to-ing and fro-ing that goes on, I’ll have some time to leaf through the glossy pages and create inane wish-lists of celebrity endorsed product.  It hasn’t happened.
The public library has been blowing up my phone lately because several books that I on on hold are now available.  The messages come in from some unknown number and the urgency in the robotic voice makes me feel like I have to drop everything to book it over to the library so that my item doesn’t evaporate back into the stacks.  “We will hold your item for three business days,” the robotic librarian tells me.  What I hear, however, sounds like this, “Three days, sucka! We ain’t playin’, so carry your a-double on over here before I like to give this book to someone else!  I ain’t gonna call you again! *click*.    I’ve already waited several weeks for the book; I really don’t want to miss this window of availability and then end up at the end of the line again.  And wouldn’t you know, all of my books came in at once.  I sped on over to the library, tossing an armful of the girls’ books into the maw of the book return, like an offering to an obscure literary pagan god.  Of the titles I picked up, I’ve burned through about three in ten days. 
During my weekly sojourn to Target, I picked up another book that I’ve been waiting to read.  I just couldn’t outlast my position in the queue for “The Hunger Games”.  Everything else that I’ve been reading, “Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children“, “The Uncoupling“, “The Recipe Club,”  all of these titles were just place holders for this book that I have heard so much about.  Like Harry Potter and the Twilight series before it, I had heard chapter and verse (no pun intended) about how great this story is and how I just had to get my hands on a copy, immediately.  My no commitment book club read it, but the library copy I reserved never materialized in time.  If you’ve read it, please let me know.  And yes, I know there’s a movie adaptation coming out soon with Lenny Kravitz (*swoon*) in one of the roles.  SN: for that alone, this book deserves a read.
Ideally, I’d be having a lie in with my book today, but responsibilities call.  I will, however, be swapping the tote of magazines for the comparatively compact novel.  Let the games begin.

  
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IN: ON: November 20, 2011 TAGS: , BY: Hilary
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Mondays Message

(source)

Several months ago, my friend Dena posted the following message as her status update:

A stranger stands next to me reading a letter. Turns to me and says, “I have to tell someone right away.  It’s benign.”

I got chills when I read that; I get chills now.  I know I can through a whole day with blinders on to only what is most important to me.  I haven’t held open the door for the person coming in a building behind me. I haven’t returned the “Hi, how are you today?” when all I want to do is exchange/return/purchase my item and get on with my day.  I’ve wondered “What the hell is she looking at?” when some random chick at the Y catches my line of sight.  I put my focus on myself at the expense of kindness towards others. And I know better than that.

When I catch myself being less than kind,  I think about what Dena experienced. I think about the above quote.  Try to be kind to at least one person you encounter today, because truly, you have no idea.

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IN: ON: November 7, 2011 TAGS: BY: Hilary
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Monday’s Message

Oy! For the love of all things chocolate, please, please, please don’t let another day go by without committing this to memory. Share it with your friends! Tell your wife! Tell your kids! Three different words with three different meanings; learn the difference between the spelling and the usage.
Like everyone else, I have a few pet peeves, but none grate on my nerves more than grammatical errors. Grammar, for those of you who tucked all that up on the shelf next to your Algebra II/Trig and graphing calculators, is the rules that govern words, clauses and phrases in a given language. It also includes spelling and punctuation, the evil twins of Expository Writing.
 The fastest way to get your resume trashed, your email deleted or your proposal passed over? Grammatical errors.  It comes across as incompetent, thoughtless, and lackadaisical.  It says to me that while you took the time to spellcheck, you let Word clean up your sentences, too, instead of proofreading it yourself. 
I don’t know where this intolerance of improper grammar comes from! Honestly, I wasn’t rapped on the knuckles as a child for not knowing the difference between direct objects or proper use of et cetera versus exempli gratia (that’s a whole ‘nother post).   Misspelling of words that you should have mastered in third grade? That’s my nails on a chalkboard.  Using apostrophe’s like sprinkles on a cake? Ugh, kryptonite.  I just.can’t.stand.poor.grammar.
As my kids grow up, I continue to impart values and morals to them to help them be compassionate and respectful adults.  I will groom them to be upstanding individuals, forward thinkers, and well-rounded young ladies. 
But. . . . 
I will cut them out of the will in a New York minute if their grammar is atrocious! Learn proper grammar, if not for yourself, at least do it for Grandpa!
And yes, I did proof-read and spell-check this post. 
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IN: ON: October 31, 2011 TAGS: , BY: Hilary
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Monday’s Message


This image and the message will come together in a bit. . .just bear with me.

So, a couple of days ago, Craig and I had to go to this black-tie event downtown.  The day was one of the books, let me tell you.  I got the girls off to school, took a class, came home to clean up, had a newborn photoshoot, came home, met my parents, went to read at Morgan’s school, got the girls from school, came home again, went on an audition with my parents and the girls, came home and got dressed to go back out for this shin-dig.  I was really doubting that I would be able to get myself together in a timely manner for this event.  Miracle of miracles, I had a clean dress, stocking without any runs, and some 5 minute shoes to go with.  I had recently purchased this awesome pearl necklace and bracelet set from my friend Tamy, a Stella and Dot super seller, and I have been wearing it with everything. It just goes with everything. The combo I whipped up for the black-tie event was no exception. 


I had my make-up right, I had the hair “did”, and I had the dress on with room to breathe (Hallelujah)!  I was looking good and felt like I needed to share all of this fashion forward goodness with the masses.  So Craig snapped a picture and I turned to FaceBook. I know, I know, but I like to think I don’t do this very often, so I can show off just a little bit.

Can I tell you, the response was AH-mazing?!  Oh my goodness, I got such great compliments. It was awesome! And yet, I had this overwhelming desire to reply to each one with “Thanks, but you know I don’t always look like this” or “Thanks, but believe me, I’ll be turning into a pumpkin at midnight.” 

What’s that all about? Why can’t I just take a compliment for what it is and move on? Several years ago, I posted about this very same thing.  I was making excuses as to why I should not receive compliments.  For example, a typical exchange back then went like this:

You: “Wow, the last time I saw you, you were out to here (miming a beach ball tummy) pregnant. You look fantastic! And it’s only been 3 months!”

Me: “Oh, thanks, but I worked out the whole pregnancy”

or

You: “What a sweet little girl you have. She is so polite!”

Me: “Yeah, but she was SO bad yesterday, I thought we were going to have to exorcise the demons!”

See what I mean? What’s up with that? Why can’t I just take it for what it is? Was it because I didn’t deserve kind words? Was it because the giver was so blatantly full of crap, how could they expect me to accept their foolishness? No and no.   I think I was too conscientious of someone else’s feelings that to just take it at face value was to be selfish, stuck-up or self-centered.  Bottomline: I didn’t want to make you feel bad because you were trying to make me feel good.


Oh, I just heard dozens of psychiatrists dusting off their couches. . .

A compliment is defined as an expression of praise, commendation, or admiration. It’s meant to be taken as such. There is no qualifier that says you must explain to yourself or anyone else why you deserve that praise or admiration. I don’t know if this is just unique to me or if it’s a woman thing, but I don’t think guys have this problem. I mean, have you ever seen an exchange like this?

Jack: Dude, great coverage on the defense during that last play (swats teammates’ butt in a strong, masculine way).

Joe: I know, right?! I’m on fire today! I’m the man! (pumps fist in the air and then punches teammate in the face with a strong right hook).

Okay, I grossly exaggerated that, but you get the point, right? Men just take the compliment. Actually, it seems like that take it and then they embellish it! Like telling you, “Yes, I agree with my greatness and let me point out some other things for you, too.”   

In any event, regarding the receipt of compliments, the plan is to be gracious and accepting, consider each compliment a bite-sized morsel of something decadent and totally satisfying (it always comes back to food for me), because that’s really what it is.  


The image above of the free compliments? Notice how the one highlighted item simply says, “Take one!”

Alright, I will!
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IN: ON: October 17, 2011 TAGS: , BY: Hilary
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How to Say No Without Saying No

 I don’t know when this happened to me.  I say “no” quite a bit.  Like, a lot.  Like the way a valley girls uses the word “like”.  Like, oh no!
I had read an article in Parents or Parenting magazine a while back where the author (I think it was Peggy Orenstein) said that for one day, she was just going to say “yes”, to whatever her children wanted.  I thought she was crazy like that glue from doing something like that.  Then, the other day when I was feeling kind of sick, I decided to give it a whirl in the interest of self-preservation.  
I didn’t agree to every single whim and desire the girls put forth (no, you can’t slide down the stairs on my cookie sheet), but for the most part, if they weren’t going to kill themselves or each other, it was green light city.  The next day, when I was feeling better, I was tossing out “no” like handbills to a house party.  The frequency of using “no” was steadily increasing and I felt like I had some kind of aphasia for affirmation.  If that’s how I felt, I could only imagine what the girls must be thinking.  
I realized that I need to adopt a Moto Moto attitude about it:
“I promise the answer will always be ‘yes’, unless ‘no’ is required.”  
Then I took it one step further.  I had to come up with some other ways of saying “no”. I instituted a no-ratrorium!  If I was going to say “no”, I had to do it in a way that didn’t involve any verb negations.  Gone were the mustn’ts, shouldn’ts, can’ts, won’ts, and don’ts.  It was going to be tough, but I was determined to succeed.  If I could do it, problems could be alleviated, the threat of tears and tantrums could be eliminated, and peace would reign supreme under our roof. 
My “no”s became “How about in a few minutes?” and “Maybe in a little while.”  I started to add things like “Let me think about it, ” “As soon as I’m finished here, we’ll talk about it,” and “That might be a possibility.”  The purposeful vagueness has provided awesome results.  The girls get an answer, which isn’t negative, and I get relatively fuss-free quality time with the girls.  
There are times when a firm “No.” is necessary.  For instance, if the girls ask me if they can hanglide off the roof using wire-hangers, double sided tape, and a pair of DH’s underpants, “Let me think about it,” may give them some false hope. In that case, I don’t feel as bad dishing out a steaming plate of “No.” (along with a side of the People’s Eyebrow) in order to shut the door on that foolishness. 
Although. . .that would be something to see. . .  
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IN: ON: February 17, 2011 TAGS: , , BY: Hilary
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How to Get It Done

Recently, I’ve been complimented on being an outstanding mom, and I really appreciate that.  We all know it ain’t easy, but I’m doing the best I can, the best way I know how.  I was talking with another mom about how women are in constant “mom-petition” with one another. Always trying to one-up one another over things that really have no bearing on whether or not the world is going to keep turning.  The recent rash of articles on mean girls and bullying made me realize that our kids will stop pushing eachother around when we stop pushing eachother around.  So, I thought I’d help out my fellow moms (or more appropriately, fellow care givers) on what it is that makes things go a bit smoother for me on a day to day.  

1.  I keep a stack of the girls artwork on my desk.  I love to look at the wonderful crayon and pencil renderings of our family.  But guess what? All of the art, all of the pieces of paper with but one swipe of magenta or one scribble of robin’s egg blue make for handy scrap paper.  Need a paper for a grocery list? Bingo! Need a sheet to write yet another to-do list? Shazam!  And my all time favorite? Have to dash off a note to a teacher but can’t find that Vera Wang stationery your scored from Tuesday Morning a few weeks ago? Grab that watercolor Princess and the Frog reproduction and away you go.

2.  Getting the kids in their clothes before they outgrow them.  My girls are fortunate enough to have a nicely stocked wardrobe.  The thing is, often times, they don’t get into all of the clothes they have because they like to keep the same couple of outfits in rotation week after week.  We’ve had several instances where I pull out an outfit, only to find it doesn’t fit because it hasn’t been seen since we bought it!  The consignment shops were getting several sizeable bags of stuff that we’d forgotten we had.  But, no more.  Now, I’ve got a new plan.  The girls wear their clothes.  When the hamper is full, I wash the clothes and I fold them, but I DON’T put them away.  You heard me right.  I leave them all nicely folded in the bucket until the girls have used up (worn) the remaining clothes in their dresser and closet.  When the hangers start clacking when we open the closet door and when the dresser drawer flies open because there’s nothing in it to weight it down, then I replenish.  I’ve saved on time — less washing, less time spent putting stuff away, and all the outfits get worn before they’re outgrown.

3.  The wardrobe struggle, part II. *Le sigh* My girls like to wear dresses. EVERY. DAY.  That’s just not possible.  And the thing is, even though they have lots of dresses, they want to wear the same two or three dresses over and over (see above).  I’ve tried various systems — mandatory pants, pants days twice a week, alternating dress days. Nothing worked; it’s was a constant struggle. But then I was talking to a friend who has a little girl and she has a genius idea.    She and her daughter pick out 5 outfits for the week, which the mom irons (um, no), and the child sets up in a visible spot her room.  Every morning, the kid knows what she can wear based on the 5 pre-determined outfits.  No more struggles. No more mandatory pants days!  Though, I do say you  have to have 2 pairs of pants on gym days. But she picks the pants, she picks the tops, and the other three outfits. When breakfast is over and I send her up to get dressed, it’s all up to her as to what she’s going to wear. No mess, no fuss.

4. Bribery.  I guess this isn’t a trick, more like a tip.  I got tired of making the girls beds in addition to the other slew of things that I took care of during the morning routine.  And I was tired of the incessant whining that burbled out of them when I asked them to use the toilet before they came down for breakfast.  Pausing in the middle of my shredded wheat to wipe some buns was getting really old.  Something had to be done and here’s what went down: bribery.  Plain and simple,  I got a jar of change and every time they 1) use the toilet and 2) make their bed (i.e. pull up the blankets; I’m not looking for hospital corners), they get a nickel.  And it’s not like they’re saving up for something.  They just like idea of having some kind of currency to stick in a piggy bank.  Beds are made, bladders are empty, breakfast is consumed and all is right with the world.

5. It’s okay to turn on the TV.  Man, this is a big one for me.  You know what an anti-tv advocate I am (well, at least for the kids).  But sometimes, when I need to catch my breath or do something without a  running commentary from a 5 year old, it’s okay to turn it on.  Sure, turning it off my bring some tears (theirs, not mine), but Moose E. Moose and Zee can babysit my kids for 30 minutes every now and then.

So, like a said, just a few things that keep the wheels turning and the children alive over here.  It’s not much, but hopefully one of these little nuggets will help your days move along a little easier.  The thing is, you’re already a Superwoman. 

 
Sometimes, you just need to be reminded. 

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IN: ON: October 14, 2010 TAGS: , BY: Hilary
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