The first of December.  Another month of experiences behind us and another month of possibilities laid out before us. I can’t help but marvel at how we got here.  I mean, I know how we got here.  The sun rises, the sun sets, the world turns and the days pass.  This year, however, has moved rapidly, hurriedly, late for an unknown cosmic appointment.

Usually, when back to school starts, the calendar ramps up with activities.  This was true for me again this year.  What was different this year, though, was the urgency that settled over everything as we moved from September and into October.  Maybe I should point a finger at the retailers who began bringing out sleigh bells and jingle bells in advance of Halloween.  Seeing red and green trimmings already available for purchase when it was still October was off-putting.  It set off an internal metronome that tick-tocked in the background as the days grew shorter and the months drew to a close. I have been feeling like I’ve gotta get stuff done! I gotta take care of this! Countdown clocks abound and I don’t even remember signing up to participate.

I clearly remember the beginning of November. I kind of remember the middle. I definitely remember the last five days; Thanksgiving and the associated family fun days that lasted well into the final throes of the 30th, bringing us to today.  The last five days felt like we were trying wring out every last bit of fall, every last bit of November, and at the same time, bring in December, Christmas and the holiday season while we were of a mind and inclination to do so.

Thanksgiving was quiet. Just us and my in-laws with more food that anyone knew what to do with. My contribution this year was pie.

Gingery Apple Walnut Crumb Pie

Pie was what I wanted to eat, so pie is what I made.  After dinner that included steaks, crab legs, a ham, collard greens, salad and rice and peas, I had just enough room for a slice of each of the pies I made.

And some ice cream.

And a little bit of wine.

And a little bit more ice cream.

I even went so far as to freeze the remaining halves of the pies so I wouldn’t be tempted to pick a little, pick a little, pick a little over the course of the week-end.  Of course, I spent the rest of the week-end thinking about it, thinking about it, thinking about it.

In those in between times, the Hubs I played board games with the girls — Beat the Parents, Life –, watched football, read books, and lounged around.  Once the girls were down for the night, but before we lost ourselves in our iPads, we played a Phase 10 and talked copious amounts of trash in the process.  Okay, I talked copious amounts of trash, but it had to be done seeing as I was beaten handily every time we sat down to play.  Those other minutes and hours? I lost many of them to “The Walking Dead” on Netflix.  I can’t even begin to tell you how much I’ve been shook and hooked at the same time. There was serious watching going on because I’m about 4 episodes shy of being all caught up on the seasons.  Yeah, it’s bad. . . but it’s so good. And I can admit it, Rick & Co. are the main reason I sleep with one eye open  (’cause you know. . .zombies).

Sunday afternoons, especially in the fall,  make me a little sad melancholy. Maybe it’s season affective disorder, maybe it’s daylight savings. Maybe it’s knowing it’ll be a full five days before the week-end and all of it’s busyness comes around again. Knowing that the week-end moments of not being beholden to the routine are coming to an end, even for just a few days, make me a little sad.  And I can admit that I already start missing the Hubs before he’s even left for the week .  That plays a part in it a bit, too.

Yesterday afternoon at about 4pm, the sun was slipping across the sky into the west, the game was on the TV.  Our Christmas tree was up, lighted and partially decorated.  The wreath had been hung and the candles were in the windows.  I watched the girls chase each other around the living room while the Hubs queued up some Bing Crosby on Pandora as he set to unwrapping ornaments.  I was struck by the simplicity, by the wholesomeness of the whole moment and by the fact that it felt like the calm before the storm.

In addition to the general feelings of “bleh” and “meh”, this past Sunday had a finality about it that I couldn’t put my finger on.  I’m not anticipating any great life changing events  – no marriages, deaths, moves, births or anything — in the next 31 days. It’s just that on the last Sunday of the month of November,  it felt like a the last good breath we were going to take before sprinting through the holiday season. I wouldn’t call it the push to the finish line for 2014. I’ve been moving at a good clip all year. I haven’t hit the wall, but I’ve got this anticipation going into the final stretch that has me wanting to put my head down and dig it out to the end.

That’s not a good way to go into the holiday season. I want to enjoy the holidays, enjoy my family and friends, look forward to what the new year has in store.  I don’t know if I’m alone in this feeling, but I do know that I have a choice whether or not to let it color my experiences.  I’m hoping to color them in reds and greens, silvers and golds and maybe a little Tiffany blue and white come the 25th.

I think of that commercial imploring us all to “Make it a December to Remember” and I plan to, for all the right reasons.  I’m hoping to take the girls on a light tour. We’re going to see Santa this week-end.  Our tree is up and the stockings are hung with their lists stuffed inside. I’m toying with the idea of baking Christmas cookies provided I can unclench my teeth/hands/butt long enough to give up control of the cleanliness of my kitchen for a little while.   I’ve already decided we’re having Chinese food for Christmas dinner. I’ve got a new nephew to shop for this holiday.  I also know that if I don’t do any of these things, that’s okay, too.  Like many others, I post pictures of our goings-on onto Instagram and Facebook. It’s easy to get caught up in sharing that you lose out on the actual doing.  There are times when I’ve been so busy deciding between Hudson and Valencia, I didn’t really get to enjoy myself.  I’m all for capturing moments for posterity, but at what cost? I’m already feeling like I can’t catch my breath.

Whatever I do (or not do) this year is alright.  I’m going to move through this month at my own pace, wrapped in good intentions, breathing evenly and calmly, enjoying each breath as it comes so when it comes time to say goodbye to December, I can do so without wondering where did it all go.