Tiffany and Company had their grand opening at the Stony Point Fashion Park on September 9th.  Seeing as it was my birthday just the day before, I thought I’d keep this party going one more day and roll on over.  I have this necklace I wanted shortened and a pair of earrings that were missing some backs.  Really though, I was looking for a little more “Happy Birthday” to me.

I waited until early afternoon to make my visit, thinking that since Stony Point is close to Morgan’s school, I’d peruse the shop, get my repairs and still be on time for afternoon carpool.   Let me tell you, when I got there, you’d have thought they were giving stuff away.  People (read:women) had been clearly waiting for this store for a long time.  I overheard one associate say that folks were lined up outside at 10am when the mall opened.   When I got there at 1pm, the crowd was still thick.  Flanking the entrance were two stacks of Tiffany boxes at least 8ft. tall.   People were posing with the stacked boxes, snapping Instagrams and what not. I saw one woman lean against the side of the store, her arms framing the Tiffany and Co. sign on the wall.  Her body language, her blissfully contented grin;  I just knew she was going to be uploading that photo trying to convince folks she’d jetted off to NYC for the afternoon or something.

Anyway. . .this nice associate named Kevin greeted me at the door.  He had this Daddy Warbucks mixed with the Secret Service vibe going on.  Bald pate, suit, tie, and the ear bud in-the-ear-coiled-wire-down-the-neck thing.  Guess they have to keep tabs on the merchandise.  I think every associate in that place had on some Tiffany jewelry of some kind. It got me to wondering if you have to buy it to work there or do they loan you some stuff while you’re on the clock.  How about loaning me something like this?

So Kevin asks me how he could help me and I outline how I’d like my necklace shortened and my earring backs replaced. He confides that he’s the shipment manager, but he’d be happy to get an associate (i.e. peon) to help me out.  He casts his eyes about, but since the place is at max capacity, peons associates are scrambling in every direction.  He does me the honor of helping me himself.  I also tell him that I had heard there was a camera charm available.  What a nice little treat to self that would be, and would he be a dear and show it to me (I cross the threshold and suddenly I’m all Holly Golightly).  On his way to replace my earring back, he waylays an associate (let’s call her Erin) who would show me where the Tiffany charms can be found.

Erin turns to say hello and HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL!

Ol’ girl has a freakin’ Tom Selleck mustache hanging out of her nose.

I’m not kidding you.  Nose hair. Nose hair so long, I could have braided it.  I could have braided it up into her unibrow or down into her mustache. Yes, she had ALL THAT. It was triumvirate of hair.  WHAT THE HELL?! This girl gave new meaning to the word hirsute. If that wasn’t enough, when she smiled? **shudder** I think she’d been chewing butter covered rocks on her lunch break.

Kevin promised me a swift return with my items while Erin would help me with the chain shortening and the charms.  So, I follow *NOSE HAIR* Erin to the counter where she proceeds to very ineptly try to help me.  First, she can’t find the velvet covered sleeve you lay on the table to protect your jewelry.  *NOSE HAIR* Then, she can’t find her portfolio where she’s supposed to record my information. *NOSE HAIR* I asked her to measure my chain to be sure of what I have before I start hacking off inches.  Guess what? *NOSE HAIR* She can’t find the ruler. When I ask her to show me a 16″ and a 14″ chain for comparison purposes, she brings me a link necklace that is so markedly different from what I have, I’m wondering if English is her second language. Or third.

*NOSE HAIR*

Now, I’ve read articles and heard stories about how attractive people are treated better than less attractive people.  So, I did some self-checks before letting my irritation show. Truthfully, it wasn’t her hairiness and poor dental hygiene that got me ticked.  She was just an ineffectual customer service provider. She didn’t know where things were. She didn’t know how to fill out the form.  She kept smiling and apologizing.  She was ready to walk away with my stuff and a smile before I prompted her with, “Would you like to take my information down for the repair?” To which she replied, “Oh. Yeah. Sorry.”

Stop smiling at me! Don’t be sorry, be professional! Get me someone who knows what they’re doing! Gah!

Thankfully, another associate came to her aid, but it took the two of them another 15 minutes to input the information and provide me with a receipt.  And poor Erin! Every time she came back to the counter to assure me that it would just be another minute, she flashed that “I-can’t-believe-it’s-not-butter” smile.  And she coughed up another half dozen or more apologies.

Kevin returned with my earrings, which he had polished to a shine so brilliant, I could see my pores in the reflection.  And talk about great customer service! When I asked what the fee was for replacing the earring back, he said, “Just come back and see us again soon.”  Was he flirting? It was all I could do not to burble out an “Oh, you!” and put my hand teasingly on his arm.

Erin, true to her word, brought the paperwork back.  She handed it to another associate, who then proceeded to outline what had been inputted and when I could expect to receive my necklace.  Erin stood behind her, nodding like a bobble-head.  Maybe it was her first day on the job. Maybe she was nervous. I know, I’m so imposing that even the most self confident of persons is rendered into a steaming pile of “uh. . .uh. . .uh . .”

I’m sure Erin is a very personable young lady who has a bright future at Tiffany and Co.  I’m sorry that I was so thoroughly blinded by her facial. . .situation, that I may have missed what a personable young lady she truly is.  Shame on me for passing judgement, I know.  I’m curious, though.  Have you ever made a snap decision about someone based on how they looked? Have you been less than pleasant if your server, clerk, customer service rep makes a leper look like the after picture from a Pro-Activ commercial?