This is Miss V.
Miss V is 3 years old, but she’s been here before. She says things or she does things that are just. . .she just has this way. If you’ve met her, you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t, here’s an example.
We are dropping C off at school this morning. C gets out of the car and stops to say, “Bye!” and “I love you” to me and Miss V before shutting the door.
Miss V: Bye, Tooty-Pants!
Me: V, we don’t call people ‘Tooty-Pants’.
Miss V: I just called C ‘Tooty-Pants’, Mommy.
Me: I know. I’m telling you to stop calling her ‘Tooty-Pants’. We don’t call people names. It’s not nice.
Miss V: We don’t call people ‘Tooty-Pants’?
Me: No, we don’t.
Miss V: I can call a ghost Tooty-Pants’, though.
Me: Wait, what? What did you say?
Miss V: A ghost. I can call a ghost ‘Tooty-Pants’.
Me: No, V. We don’t call people names. We don’t call them ‘Tooty-Pants’.
Miss V: Not people, Mommy. A ghost. I can call a ghost ‘Tooty-Pants’.
And now, I am really questioning why I chose this particular battle to fight at 8:01 in the morning. I’m sitting at a stop sign, waiting for a break in traffic, going back and forth with a three year old about why we don’t say ‘Tooty-Pants’. This is parenthood.
So, before this totally spirals into the craziest of parent/child conversations, I decide to take a page out my own parents’ guide to raising children and put an end to this discussion.
Me: I’m not discussing this with you any more.
Miss V: No, Mommy. Discuss! Discuss with me!
Me: (quietly under my breath) woo-sah. . .woo-sah . . .
Miss V: (quietly under her breath) Tooty-pants.
Oh yea, this is parenthood.