When you’re wearing a multi-strap, black and metal orthopedic boot from your knee down, people are genuinely curious to know what happened to you. It’s not like you’d voluntarily slip into a boot for grins and giggles. After having worn a boot from September to February in 2012, I was ready to set some matches to it when it outlived its usefulness. Fortunately (I can’t even believe I just typed that), I didn’t, because here I am. Wearing it again.
I’ve been stumping around — yes, stumping, because that’s the sound I make as I navigate around the house, the grocery store, and Target — being met with heartfelt concern and question. Trying to explain how while I had surgery in April, I actually lacerated my ankle in September of 2012 is time consuming and frankly, more information than anyone really wants. I need to come up with some short, to the point explanations for why I have the boot.
Here’s what I have so far, but I welcome any and all suggestions. The more outrageous, the better.
1. Got run over by a Target Cart during the Lilly for Target frenzy.
3. Workout related injury, Option 1: Thought I was on “So You Think You Can Dance”, when I was really just in Zumba.
3. Tried to re-enact the finale from Dirty Dancing with the Hubs and #failed.
4. Tried rafting in the James and #failed.
5. Went running with the bulls and didn’t run fast enough.
6. Bought a Groupon for a trapeze lesson and got tangled up in the harness.
7. Thought I was Black Widow, tried to re-enact some of the fight scenes, and #failed.
Ka-pow!
8. Workout related injury, Option 2: Zigged when I should have zagged during Cardio Burn.
9. Thought I was Gabby Douglas, but forgot to stick the landing.
I am one with the beam. I am one with the beam.
10. Bitten by a dog while delivering Girl Scout Cookies.