My given name has spawn a whole host of nicknames; some are worse than and some are better than others. The one I can’t stand, the one that will guarantee that we will fight “to the pain” over is “Hil”. Yeah, try that out and see how far that gets you.

I’d say about 50% of the time, I am called and answer to Hilary. The remaining 25% is reserved for Mommy, and another 5% is for various pet names from Craig that are none of your business 🙂 The remaining 20% is what I will or will not answer to depending the amount of DNA that we share. Feel free to laugh and or contribute to the list

Hilaria
Hilarious
Hickory Dickory
Hilla Dilla
Hilla-tree
Hil-o-ry
Dillweed
Dill
Dixon

As a result of all of these name substitutions, I’ve started Morgan on a path of multiple names as well. For Morgan, we have Morgs, Morga, Morgus, Morgan Schmoo,Schmoo,
Schmoo Poo, Schmoops, Poo-poo-da-roo, Poodah Pie, Rutabaga, and Miss Mess. Coever, whose real name is Catherine, hasn’t been left of off of this bus either. She goes by Coever, Coever Girl, Wingus, Wingy, Wingy-woo, Wingy-woo-woo, Wingy-ninja, Gus, Gustavus, Goose, Stink Bottom and Little Miss Wet Butt. I think we’re going to make a shirt for her with that on it.

And Craig? Well, he’s just Craig, unless you are from New England (hello Dad and Grandma), then he’s Craaaaaaaaag, as in crags and other out-croppings of rocks suitable for climbing. Hmmm, maybe we can call him Rocky. My guess is he won’t answer to that one. He’ll be too busy fighting us all “to the pain”.

There was this article on CNN today about how today, Monday, January 21, is the most depressing day of the year. We all know that Garfield hates Mondays, but has it really gotten to the point where we can actually pinpoint a specific date on the calendar to which we can attribute our crank-tastic and pouty-mouthed gloom? Evidently, there is.

CNN say, “the theory set forth by Dr. Cliff Arnall, a researcher from Cardiff University, that the third Monday of the month (Jan. 21, this year) — a day he calls Blue Monday — will be our most depressing day of the year. Arnall bases his yearly prediction on a formula he developed, which factors in the weather, consumer debt from holiday spending and failed New Year’s resolutions and arrives at that conclusion that we’ll hit rock bottom on Monday the 21st.”

Yikes! But let’s look at these factors that Arnall has examined.

1. Weather — I don’t know where you are, but in Norfolk, it’s balmy 32 degrees (compared to the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field and Foxboro Stadium
. These last couple of weeks, the weather has been up and down more than Oprah’s weight. Fluctuating weight, fluctuating weather, both mean one thing — what the deuce am I going to wear today? That’s enough to make your lip poke out.

2. Consumer debt from holiday spending — Ahhh, the best laid plans of mice and men. . . I had every intention of sticking to our holiday budget of spending $50 on Craig, and no more than $100 on each of the girls. Yeah, that didn’t happen. I can’t be a Scrooge when it comes to my family. I won’t go as far as to say I plunged us into a hemmoraging debt, the likes of which have me typing this from a public library, sitting next to Larry, Stinky Pete and his dog, Jingles, who just came in to use the facilities to wash up. Gifts are nice. Money is nice. Having more more money then debt is even nicer. I rate it right up there next to oxygen.

3. Failed New Year’s Resolutions — Well, my resolution was (again) to floss. I didn’t set a specific frequency, but I will say that I have been doing it a lot more than I thought I would. Yay, me! High Five and chest bump on the mirror!

As with many things, I take all theories with a grain of salt. Sure, I can get moody from about Halloween through mid to late January, but who doesn’t. It’s a non-stop family-fun-filled-food-fest. There’s bound to be a post-she-bang-a-bang let down. I mean, when the egg nog leaves the shelves until the next holiday season? That’s enough to make anyone feel like crap on toast!

This Souljah Boy thing has gone way to far when you have people doing it with their mothers! I mean, it is funny, though!

Of course, if I could get Bunny doing the Souljah Boy, that would be something! Hmmm. . . .

I’ve never considered myself to be very political. I can hold an intelligent conversation on the primary candidates that are vying for their respective parties nomination, but only if I’ve perused cnn.com or msnbc.com about 30 minutes prior. Craig very well versed and breaks it down in layman’s terms about who is in favor or against what and what it all means for us as tax payers. Still, there are times when I feel like I’m back in Pre-Calculus, just trying to understand how we got to the bottom-line. I mean I see what you are saying, but how did we get here?

Thankfully, there are a number of websites that can help. I now know what the hot button issues are and even better, can recall them with some degree of accuracy. I’ve learned that my views skew more in line with someone from the Republican party (hello!) and that I’ve got the makings of a Conservative Libertarian (who knew?!).

When I should have been sleeping (see my previous post on why I’m so tired in the mornings), I went to the Select a Candidate quiz, which is more like a quizzlet. I went to a site that boasts of a quiz to help you pick choose the best 2008 candidate for president. I even went to a site that calls itself the World’s Smallest Political Quiz, and seriously, it is only 10 questions broken down into two 5 question blocks. Nice!

Are you an elephant or a donkey? Who cares! The better question is, which candidate is more in keeping with what is most important to you ? Take the quizzes I listed above and see. The answer may surprise you.

It’s late, the girls have long been asleep and I just can’t log off of this thing. I’ve checked my email over and over. I’ve bid and bid again on things I don’t need on eBay. I’ve checked my bank balance (yipes!). I’ve quiz after useless quiz — I’m 79% well versed in alcoholic beverages, if I were a DP, I’d be Jasmine, I’m 92% Jersey and 93% Massachusetts, I could take on 22 five year olds in a fight, and I’m about 78% likely to eat my friends if we had to resort to cannibalism as a result of some major devestation leaving us stranded without food. I’ve vistied Gymboree, BabyGap, Gap, Ann Taylor Loft, Ethan Allen, Crate & Barrel, Williams-Sonoma, just itching to buy something that I have no room for or no practical space for. I’ve searched recipes because I’m hungry, Hungry Girl and Weight Watchers because I’ve got to lose this weight, True Mom Confessions because I’m all kinds of pissed off about this, that and the other thing, and MySpace just to see what some of my friends are up to. I’ve checked the news, the weather, my checking account balance (again), I’ve ordered pictures from Snapfish, Shutterfly, and Walgreens.com. I’ve checked out books on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and the Norfolk public library site. I’ve put books on hold, ordered books from paperbackswap.com and discussed books on Shelfari.

I’m spending quality sleep time messing around on the computer where I’ve found a site where I can find my celebrity look-alike, morph myself into said celebrities, and generally just waste time doing nothing productive. I will say, though, I must have some Asian descendants in my family tree seeing as the majority of my celebrity look-alikes are Asian. The morph from me to Aya Matsuura is pretty freaky!

Are we related or what?

I need someone to tell me to go to bed, ’cause I’m going to be really crank-tastic in the morning.

I can’t take it any more. I am so sick of the Disney Princesses, I’m about to put out a contract on all of those broads. At first, I was all in favor of the girl power message and the emphasis on positive female role models for young girls. As time has gone by, however, their ever present faces have become the bane of my existence. Maybe it’s my own fault. Maybe it was going to happen anyway. The fact remains, I’m the queen of this here castle and I already have two princesses.

Let’s review. The DP’s, at this moment in time, consist of Belle from Beauty and the Beast, Princess Ariel from the Little Mermaid, Princess Jasmine from Aladdin, Princess Aurora from Sleeping Beauty, Princess Pocahontas from Pocahontas, Snow White from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Cinderella from Cinderella, Mulan from Mulan, and *gasp*
Princess Tiana from The Princess and the Frog.

FYI people, Princess Tiana from the Princess and the Frog is Disney’s first (and only) Black Princess in an animated film. The movie, which will be released December 18th, 2009, is set in the French Quarter of New Orleans.

I’m gasping at the fact that Princess Tiana is included because:
1. The movie has not yet been released and
2. There is no indication of Princess Tiana belonging to this clique on any merchandise relating to the DP’s whatsoever.

I should even gasp that Pocahontas and Mulan are included in that group, because they are hardly making appearances on the shelves, either. They’re not even on most of the packaging! If you Google “Disney Princess”, you get about 1.27 million results in 0.03 seconds. Google “Black Disney Princess”, you get 787 results in .10 seconds.

But, back to my rant about the princesses. I know that this is just a phase, one that I will have to endure again when Coever is of age, but the pervasive nature is scary. Morgan has only seen Cinderella one time, while we drove to the peanut festival in someone else’s car. From that one exposure, she became Cinderella obsessed. She wanted me to draw Cinderella, she wanted to see the movie again and again, she would see Cinderella at the store and go into a fit of squeals and “please, please, please’s”.

Cut to YMCA childwatch where Morgan has cajoled the nursery workers to read Cinderella and the Little Mermaid stories to her — 6 times in a 45 minute period. Yikes!!

Cut to our coloring time on the floor where Morgan asks for me to draw a dress in a circle — that’s Morganese for “Please draw a princess”. Once I’ve picked up a crayon, my little Morgan requests as fast as she can, “And draw Cinderella, and draw Ariel, and draw Jasmine, and draw Sleeping Beauty. . .” though Jasmine comes out more like Jazz-man and Sleeping Beauty is Sleeping Bee-ooo-tee. Ugh, if Disney needs another animator for those DP’s, call me! I’m prolific now.

Cut to the day we went to another playgroup and lo and behold, 3 foot Ariel plush doll comes out to play. Holy mother of pearl. I had no idea that some cotton, polyester and ribbon could render a toddler girl into a sniveling, quivering, tantrum throwing nutball. Morgan had to have it during the playgroup. She wanted to take it home, she talked about it the whole way home, every time we mentioned that friend, Morgan said, “And Ariel comes too.” So what’s a mother to do? I went out and bought one for her for Christmas. Mind you, this is AUGUST!! But, being the uber-goody-goody that I am, I also got Morgan matching Ariel underpants for potty training, Ariel stickers for good behavior, and a small Ariel doll to take along so the big Ariel wouldn’t be looking at me in the rearview mirror when we went out. I was even going to give her my (yes my own) copy of The Little Mermaid on VHS — and thank goodness I changed my mind on that one.

Christmas morning comes and the first thing Morgan goes for is the Ariel doll, the small one. The big one, she loved, but she threw it in the crib. The little one became like the mouse in her pocket. Wherever Morgan went, Ariel was peeping out of Morgan’s fist. Ariel had her clothes changed more times than Heidi Klum during a Victoria Secret fashion show. It was scary. Morgan walked around like a zombie saying, “Ariel is SO beautiful. Ariel is SO pretty.” Well, Craig and I stepped in, saying, “Yes, but not as pretty as Morgan.” Went right over her head. We continue re-inforcing to her that she is beautiful, prettier than Ariel, the whole nine yards. We tell her, “Mommy is pretty. Coever is pretty. Morgan is pretty. Daddy is handsome.” And Morgan says, and I quote, “Just like Prince Eric”.

Son of a goat!!

What transpired next came out of love for my children as well as for the continued growth and development of their self-esteem and self-worth. The Disney Princesses (Belle, Ariel, Cinderella, Aurora, Snow White) have been effectively removed from our home. Is that totally Mommie Dearest? Cruella DeVille? Have I, in an attempt to re-inforce my own daughters worth and beauty, made her into the oppressed princess and myself into the older women/enemy that is featured in most of the films? I doubt it.

Little girls love their dolls, I know. More to the point, little girls love dolls that look like them. To that end, I’m determined to find Black dolls for my girls, and not just princesses either. I know there is a Bessie Coleman action figure. Barbie has come out with more diverse looking dolls, as well as dolls with more career opportunities. If by some twist of fate Morgan is still in the throes of the princess phase, and Coever is, too, there is even a Barbie Princess of the Nile doll to tide them over until The Princess and the Frog is released.

December 18th,2009 seems so far away, but if I squint my eyes and look real hard, I can see that Princess Tiana making her highly anticipated walk into the Disney Princess inner circle. While I hope she will be as welcomed and revered as her fellow princesses have been and continue to be, I know she will be at our home.