On the advice of another veteran mom, I decided to up the ante with the potty training and put a potty in the back of the car.

We’re in the car often enough that this plan makes sense. So, I’ve got potty #2 in the tailgate next to the stroller, the cloth grocery bags, the jumper cables and the all weather picnic sheet. Nice and cozy. Surprisingly, Morgs doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, every time I pluck her out of the carseat (or before I plunk her buns back in it), we have a visit to the car potty. I think she thinks it’s exciting.

Case in point. We went to Bennett’s Creek Park after playgroup the other day for some fun and sun. Norfolk weather has been absolutely ridiculous as of late. One day it’s about 48 degrees, cloudy and drizzling, the next day (hello yesterday and today), it’s sunny, 68, and wonderful. So, we go to the park with our pals and our lunches. Open tailgate, get the Morgs and plunk her on the pot. No joke, my girl is quite happy to be there and informs me after five minutes, “I still have more pee pee to do.” Alrighty then.

Coever is hanging out in the carseat, observing as usual. Our friends are skipping and jumping, running and swinging on the playgroup equipment, doing the very things I think Morgs would be itching to go do. My girl is adamant that she’s still got “more pee pee, Mama. More pee pee to do”. Oooookay.

The car is one link in a chain of cars parked adjacent to the playground leaving room for other cars and rec/parks vehicles to navigate past. The tailgate is open for all of the park to see into this makeshift ladies room and wouldn’t you know it, a cavalcade of Suffolk parks and recs lawn mowers, tractors, and other members of the earth digging/moving family start rolling by. In the interest of privacy and modesty, which Morgs all but demands at home when she’s on the pot, I move to stand in front of her, blocking the view. No haps.

“Look at the tractor, Mama. I see the tractor, Mama. I still have pee-pee to do. Hi, Tractor!” And like a miniature Queen Elizabeth (that’s a little redundant, right?), Morgs stands up and begins to wave frantically at the man on the lawn mower and the man in the tractor. As they drive past either oblivious or mortified into inaction, Morgs turns to continue to wave, exposing her backside* to the road and to the dad in the ’98 Explorer bringing up the rear who just wanted to take his son out to play catch. A full moon on a sunny Wednesday afternoon? I doubt that was in the Farmer’s Almanac for February 6th.

*every time I see those buns, I think of Dr. Evil in Austin Powers 2 saying Mini-me’s buns look like, “Two eggs in a hanky.” That always cracks me up.

I don’t consider myself a private person or a prude person, but I do like my personal space when it comes to taking care of my post-workout cleanliness routine.

I go to the Downtown to workout about 3 or 4 times a week. Aside from the bulging diaper bag, I’ve got my gym bag with my toilteries, my clothes, my shoes, and various other beautification aides. So, I go work out, grab my towels and head to the locker room. I find a locker, drop my stuff and hit the shower.

Problem #1 — The communal shower is set up so that there are two private stall showers on either side of the entrance, and then 4 shower heads set into the wall on either side of the larger shower room. I don’t mind the communal shower. I mean, we’ve all got the same parts, some people’s parts have just become on more intimate terms with gravity, graying and such. No big deal. More often than not, I come at a time where there is either one or no other person in the shower. Usually, I’m in there by myself. I’m not dancing around like Tom Cruise in Risky Busienss, but the being by myself is nice. I fire up my shower, arrange my towels and body sponge and stand under the stream. I hear the door open and shut, some one else is coming in. When I turn around and open my eyes, I’m knee to knee with another woman. Hello! Let’s check the scene:

Two shower stalls — empty
4 shower heads on one wall — empty
4 shower heads on other wall – I’m using one on the far left, there is a woman next to me, and then there are two EMPTY shower heads next to her.

WTH? Why are you all up on me? There are 8 other empty spaces for you to rinse your biscuits under!! Back it up. Without fail this happens and I’ve noticed, it doesn’t matter who the woman is. Someone inevitably wants to be my neighbor. Even when there is someone else in the shower, say on the opposite side of the room, the third party gravitates towards me.

Look, I came to the gym to work out and take a shower in peace. I get an audience when I go to the bathroom at home.

Problem #2 — So, I get out of the shower, head to my locker. The locker I’ve chosen now looks like one of those bug zappers with women in various states on undress circling around it. Mind you, there are dozens of other lockers, benches and areas of free space available. The women then engage in this awkward conversation of feigned politeness. I’ll translate this for you as I go.

“Oh, am I in your way?” Look heffa, I just sat down and got out all of my stuff.

“Oh, no not at all. You’re fine.” Um, yeah you’re in my way! Don’t you see that lock in front of you? That means someone is using that locker. ME!

“I can move. I’m almost done.” I’m naked, my hair is wrapped in a towel and I just started to dial my girlfriend on my cell phone. I haven’t even begun to get it together.

“Don’t worry about it. Please, really, you’re fine.” Why are you even going to try that line? I can see that you’re naked, your hair is wrapped in a towel and you’ve got your cell phone out, probably about to call your friend and talk really loudly about things that don’t matter to anyone but you.

*sigh* I just wanted to get my heart rate up, not my blood pressure.

So we have begun the potty training, Thus far, we’re being met with pretty good success. The one thing that has dawned on me, however, is that the “training” in potty training is becoming more applicable to us rather than to her. Seriously, Morgan has us trained better than Pavlov’s dogs, no bell necessary. All she has to do is say, “I have to go potty,” and we drop everything, come running, scoop her up, drop her on the pot, hand her a book and say, “Call me when you’re finished”. Evidently, she likes her privacy.

But here’s the thing: She announces her need for the toilet at the most interesting times. Say she isn’t that taken with the culinary feast of grilled chicken, hummus, and green beans that I have prepared for dinner. “I have to go potty.” How about when we’ve done our nighttime ritual and we’re lowering her into the crib? “I have to go potty.” My personal favorite? When we are in the middle of Wal-Mart/Target/the mall or any other place where finding the bathroom, let alone getting there requires pack mules and a Sherpa, she says, of course, “I have to go potty.”

And of course, I drop everything, careen us through the aisles, find the bathroom, kick open the stall, line the seat, drop her pants, tear off the pull-up, sit her on the pot and she says, “I’m done.”

Yeah, me, too.

Morgan likes for me to sing songs to her as the final pass of our naptime/bedtime dance. After we’ve done the potty, put on the do-rag — yes, she wears a rag — , read several stories a la Olivia and gotten the blankie, she asks for me to sing some songs. I know that this is her stall tactic to prevent the inevitable, but she is so sweet and cuddly and her voice is that 2 year old saccharine pitch, how can I say no? I really should, though because my song catalog is quite thin.

I can squeak through a few staples like “Itsy Bitsy Spider”, “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”, ” You are my Sunshine”, “If You’re Happy and You Know It”, and a handful of Bible Songs (her current faves), but after that, I’m reaching. I’ll throw in my sorority hymn, my high school and college songs, “Happy Birthday”, and a couple of songs that I made up for her when she was just a few weeks old. After that, I’m out. What’s even worse is that I know I don’t sing well. I can’t carry a tune in a bucket and I sing in the key of F. She doesn’t seem to mind because for her Mommy’s tuneless singing = less naptime or later bedtime.

I’m trying to expand my repetoire, though. And despite my previous rants against the DP’s, sadly, I’ve turned to the theme songs from their movies as new fodder. Of course, my memory isn’t what it used to be. I think the last time I saw Aladdin I was still living in New Jersey, probably in 1992. Yikes, let’s not do the math on that one. But I digress. So I starting singing “A Whole New World” and that’s as far as I get. I’ve got the tune (to the best of my ability), but the words fail me. It goes like this. . .”A Whole New World. . .la la la la di da di da” and repeat for another minute or so. But like I said, Morgan doesn’t seem to mind. I tried “Can You Feel The Love Tonight” from the Lion King, “You’ll Be In My Heart” from Tarzan, and “Somewhere Out There” from An American Tale. Not only could I barely get through that last one for lack of knowing the words, but thinking of Little Fievel Mousekewitz all alone — I’m getting a little verklempt just thinking about it.

So perfectionist that I am, I’ve Googled all of the aforementioned song lyrics and I plan to keep them next to the rocking chair so that when it’s naptime or bedtime, I can whip out my cheat sheet and belt my little heart out. Albeit off key, but who cares? I feel like a good mom and Morgan gets to stay up that much longer.

I was a complete Mr. Men and Little Miss fan when I was growing up. How complete you may ask? I had most, if not all of the books available, T-shirts with the characters and my fondest memories of learning to write include writing my name backwards in yellow crayon on the inside cover. Yes, I wrote Yralih.

After Morgan was born, I dug out my books. We’ve read Little Miss Trouble, Little Miss Stubborn, Little Miss Chatterbox, Little Miss Busy, Mr. Bump, Mr. Noisy and her all time favorite, Mr. Worry.

When the Little Miss shirts debuted a few seasons back, I got Little Miss Trouble for myself, Little Miss Naughty for one friend, and Little Miss Queen for a friend whose maiden name is Queen.

And now, drumroll please. . . Cartoon Network will be the home of The Mr. Men Show, a new animated sketch comedy series, which will launch in January 2008. According to Reuters.com,

"NEW YORK--(Business Wire)--What do Ellen DeGeneres, Larry David, Kelly Ripa and Simon Cowell
all have in common? Besides being some of the biggest names in
television, they are also among 12 celebrities who have been
recognized with a 2007 "Mr. Men Show" Award.

"The Mr. Men Show," Cartoon Network's new daily animated sketch
comedy series for kids premiering February 4 at 9:00 am, is based on
the best-selling Mr. Men and Little Miss books first created in the
1970's by Roger Hargreaves. The series is produced by Chorion, which
owns the "Mr. Men" franchise worldwide.

Just like in real life, each character in "The Mr. Men Show" has a
distinct personality that comes into conflict with others. Whether
it's a birthday, day at the beach or a trip to the farm, the Mr. Men
and Little Misses react to and cope (or don't cope!) with each funny
but challenging situation - and each other.

Each "Mr. Men Show" Award winner was selected for his or her
ability to best exemplify the key personality traits and unique
attributes of a particular "Mr. Men Show" character.


I gotta go; I gotta delete some Backyardigans episodes from the DVR to make room.

There is this video on YouTube (where else, right?) of the Cat in the Hat and I kid you not, the Cat’s voice sounds like he just left Paulie Walnuts and Sal at the Bing to go show Sally and her brother how to have some good fun that is funny. (Ayyy, ohhhh, I’m walkin’ here!).