Hilary

hair

Be My Guest!

With the social media buzz that I’ve been working on to get everyone excited about “Maggie Sinclair, Will You Please Fix Your Hair?!“, my own blog has not gotten the attention that it deserves.  It’s challenging to keep all the plates spinning, but it’s good to know you’ve got people who step up to help when called upon.

A few weeks ago, I reached out to several of my blogger friends, asking them to share some of their natural hair experiences with you! The response I got was wonderfully encouraging and across the board enthusiastic.  I’m looking forward to reading their pieces!  In the meantime, get to know some of my upcoming guests and be sure to visit my blog in the coming weeks to read their work!

T. Denise Anderson

Blogger. Tweeter. Natural beauty.  In addition to being a full-time wife, mom, and professional, Denise is also working toward ordination in her denomination. With a sharp wit and great sense of humor, Denise serves up some thoughtful and often hilarious commentary on current events and more in her Twitter and Facebook feeds. Visit Denise’s blog here and be sure to follow her on Twitter!

Yolanda Lee

Model and swimmer, Yolanda Lee also adds the title documentarian to her body of work. Yolanda moves from in front of the camera to behind to film a documentary about the social issues surrounding black women and their hair. Learn more about Yolanda and “It’s Only A Natural” by clicking here.

Shawri King-Casey

Culinary whiz.  Wordsmith.  Super Mom.  These are just a few of the many words that could be used to describe Shawri. Not only is she a dynamic attorney generalist with thirteen years of experience both in the public and private sectors,  she’s a fierce naturalista you should know!  Click here.

Maya Smart

Maya is as genuine as it gets.  A self described “globetrotting writer who enjoys food trucks, toddler art and college basketball”, Maya is a renaissance woman who, along with her husband, is raising a curly girlie of her own, while simultaneously offering insight, reviews, opinions and amusement on her blog.  Visit Maya here.

 

 

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IN: hair ON: July 1, 2014 TAGS: BY: Hilary
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recipes

Recipe Monday (’cause I forgot to hit “Publish”): Spinach Salad with Warm Bacon Dressing

One thing I love about summer is the abundance of fruits and vegetables.  No other season gets me to eat better than summer, and that’s not just because I’m trying to get right for my swimsuit.  The colors are brighter, the juices are sweeter, and everything just bursts in your mouth.  This past week, I’ve been gorging myself on strawberries and grapes.  The strawberries have been enormous and such a rich color red, you think it will stain your fingertips.  The grapes have had taut skins and sweet flesh that taste great by themselves, and even better when tossed into a salad with a champagne and shallot vinaigrette.  There have been many a salad enjoyed over lunch the past few days.

As for the veggies, we’ve done a lot of kebabs studded with squash, zucchini, chunks of red onion, and tri-color pepppers.  The simplicity of preparation — chops, marinate in salad dressing or salt, pepper and olive oil, and grill — only adds to the appeal.  I’ll grill up the vegetables, add some chicken or shrimp, a salad and some crusty bread – -voila! Dinner is served.

I’m all about ease when it comes to meal times.  While I haven’t quite gotten the girls on board with “just salad” for dinner, they’re coming around to having half their plate be fruits and vegetables.   C thinks nothing of asking for a whole orange, apple slices and a huge scoop of peanut butter as a meal. M swaps the orange out for carrot sticks and V will eat just about anything if the promise of dessert looms on the horizon.  Some nights, when we’ve been ripping and running from day camp to the pool to playdates to errands and back again, fruit salad is the plat du jour for my little ones.  More often than not, everyone is a member of the Clean Plate Club.

As for me, I need some protein in my life on a regular basis.  When I say protein, I should tell the truth and say chicken or steak. I don’t eat cheese.  Beans aren’t going to cut it.  A hard boiled egg will do in a pinch, but I’ve got to be desperate.  I’ll eat salad all day long and twice on Sunday, but I’ve got to have a side of meat to go with it.  My salads are usually topped with grilled chicken.  Occasionally, I’ll do shrimp, if I can nab a few pieces from the leftover tupperware container.  Add to that some baby lettuces, sliced red onion, a few grape tomatoes and I’m good to go.  I’ve left the “kitchen sink salads” behind me in favor of cleaner taste profiles.  Gone are the days when I’d throw every veggie the fridge had to offer into a Corningware baking dish.  Seriously, I was doing “the big salad” way before Elaine Benes.  As my cooking skills developed, so did my appreciation for flavor profiles.  Why dump all the veggies together when you could do a Cobb Salad one day, a mixed field greens with onion and grapes the next, and a Caesar or Greek salad the day after that?  So many options, so many lunches to enjoy.

Today’s recipe is one that I haven’t done in a while, primarily because I haven’t had any bacon in the house in weeks.  Turkey bacon just isn’t going to get it done, by the way.  This salad is great for lunch or for dinner.  Add a crusty baguette and a nice chilled glass of white wine, you’re good to go!

Enjoy and Happy Friday, y’all!

 

(via)

Spinach Salad with Warm Bacon Dressing
recipe found here

Ingredients

  • 3 whole Eggs
  • 7 slices Thick Cut, Peppered Bacon
  • 1 whole Red Onion, Small
  • 1 package Mushrooms, White Button
  • 8 ounces, weight Baby Spinach, Washed Dried And Stems Removed
  • 3 Tablespoons Reserved Bacon Grease
  • 3 Tablespoons Red Wine Vinegar
  • 2 teaspoons Sugar
  • 1/2 teaspoon Dijon Mustard
  • 1 dash Salt

Preparation Instructions

  • Cook eggs: cover with water, bring to a boil, then turn off heat and allow to sit in water for 20 minutes. Drain off water and add ice on top of eggs.
  • Fry bacon until crispy/chewy. Remove to a paper towel.
  • Remove 3 tablespoons grease and set aside.
  • Add 2 add’l tablespoons of grease to a separate skillet over medium heat.
  • Slice red onions very thinly, then add to skillet. Cook slowly until onions are caramelized and reduced. Remove to a plate and set aside.
  • Slice mushrooms and add them to the same skillet. Cook slowly until caramelized and brown. Remove to a plate and set aside.
  • Chop bacon.
  • Peel and slice eggs.
  • Make hot bacon dressing: Add 3 tablespoons bacon grease, vinegar, sugar, and Dijon to a small saucepan or skillet over medium-low heat. Whisk mixture together and heat thoroughly.
  • Add spinach to a large bowl. Arrange onions, mushrooms, and bacon on top. Pour hot dressing over the top; toss to combine.
  • Arrange eggs over the top and serve.
  • Enjoy!
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IN: recipes ON: June 30, 2014 TAGS: , , , , , BY: Hilary
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Sorry, Not Sorry.

A few weeks ago, I was talking with a friend of mine about how we have replaced the phrase “Excuse me,” with the phrase “I’m Sorry”. It seems that in our day to day doings, whenever we’ve needed to catch someone’s attention, perhaps interrupt two people having a conversation, or possibly just trying to get out of someone’s way, we’ve been saying “I’m sorry,” as opposed to “excuse me” or “pardon me”. Somehow, for reasons that she and I were both unable to put our finger on, we’ve been diminishing ourselves. Taking it one step further, I realized that I have actually been folding in on myself as I say, “I’m sorry”, especially when doing to that awkward stranger dance the ensues when you’re trying to get out of someone’s way.

“Seriously,” I began explaining it to her. “At the gym, the ingress and egress to the ladies locker room is series of short turns like you’d find queuing up for the movies or something. Instead of ropes, though, there are walls, so you can’t see if someone is coming around the corner. No matter if you’re coming in or going out, in all likelihood, you’re going to collide with someone.”

In these instances, laden with my gym bag, moving at a good clip to get a swim lane or a spot in Zumba, I’ve plowed into some women, some my age, most of them elderly. My subconscious started directing my body to take up less space as these instances increased. I would step into the entrance of the locker room, and if by chance was met with someone coming out, my shoulders would round in, my head would dip down, and my hands would seek each other out. I’d cough out an “I’m sorry” as I made my way past. If I was on my way out and someone way motoring in, the same thing happened. Why was I doing that? What was I sorry for? I’m trying to exercise just like everyone else. I didn’t knock anyone down in a race to a locker.

My friend suggested that as Black women living in the south, we feel the need to apologize for our existence, whether we believe we should or not. That’s a loaded statement right there, and one that I don’t have the time or space to expand upon. Suffice it to say; race is not the issue. Being overly gracious is the issue. The truth is, being excessively deferential is not the same thing as being polite.

The more we talked about it, the more we resolved to break ourselves of the habit. The next time I went to the gym, I slowed my pace as I approached the locker room. I stood up straight, squared my shoulders, adjusted my gym bag and walked in. Sure enough, someone was coming out. I looked her in the eye and said, “Excuse me,” then entered the locker room proper.

Earlier this week, I came across a Huffington Post article entitled “Pantene ‘Not Sorry’ Video Tells Women to Stop Apologizing So Much”. Through a series of short vignettes, the hair care company implores women to stop saying sorry for things that they shouldn’t. I watched the video and thought, “This is exactly what we had been talking about!” It should come as no surprise that women apologize more than men. What is surprising is the reasons why women do it. The article went on further to cite a March 2014 blog post written by Ani Vrabel, who said,

“At some point, I began using “sorry” as a synonym for “excuse me.” It came to mean, “I didn’t see you there and you startled me!” and “I have a question” and “I’m carrying so many things that I’m taking up more space on the subway than usual.” It rarely meant, “I made a poor decision or did something wrong and it impacted you negatively. I recognize this and feel bad about it and would like to make things better between us.”

Further on in the article, Karyn Polewaczyk’s piece from Jezebel suggested ”women over-apologize because they feel “undeserving.” Women preface their request and statements with self deprecating phrases like “I’m sorry,” “I hate to be a pain, “ and “This may sound foolish,” because they don’t feel like what they have to say is important. Many times, women feel that in order to be better received, that must sugar coat what they have to say. Think about the myriad of examples in the media depicting a man and a woman asking for a raise or making a suggestion or firing someone. If a man does it, he’s confident whereas if a woman says it, she’s a bitch. And we wonder why we’re apologizing.

Now, no one started a slow clap for me as I walked in the locker room that day. (Well, I did just in my head, but no one else heard it). Still, it was the beginning of a much-needed change. I started putting it into practice, not just at the gym, but also in areas where I’d apologize for no valid reason. Instead of telling the clerk at Chipotle, “Sorry, can I have fajita vegetables” after I told her and she forgot, I just said, “Excuse me, could you please add the fajitas?” When I made the clerk at Gap help me scour the store AND call the last store I had been to in hopes of finding my lost handbag (don’t worry, we found it), I didn’t say, “Sorry for being such a crazy person! Sorry for taking up your time!” I said, “Thank you very much for your help. I really appreciate it.”

By breaking this habit, I’ve empowered myself. I’ve challenged myself to speak freely. I was giving away my power by leading off statements with “Sorry” and now; I’ve taken it back and then some.

 

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IN: ON: June 25, 2014 TAGS: , , , , BY: Hilary
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A Little Knowledge is a Dangerous Thing

As you know, I’m a mom. I’ve got three little girls whom I love, love, love.  They challenge me to be the mom that they deserve and the mom that they need.  I do my best to wear many hats in order to fulfill their requests, desires, and needs.  Sometimes, I’m a chef. Sometimes I’m a hairdresser.  Most of the time, I’m a chauffeur.  All the time, though, I’m a teacher. I’m leading by example, whether I’m aware of it or not.  I have to take care in what I say, how I say it and in what I do and how I do it.  In order for them to be good people, I have to show them what that means.

We have our ups and downs.  We are steadily marching towards Big Kid status, as M turns 9 this year and C is hot on her heels turning 7. V is holding things down in toddler-ville, a full blown two year old. It’s challenging trying to find activities that appeal to this spectrum of ages, especially those that don’t involve electronics. We read a lot.  We do lots of “arts and craps”.  We spend time outside.  I recently got M a scooter and nothing gives me greater joy than seeing her whizz down the driveway, the skirt of her favorite dress billowing around her legs like the wind filled sail of a ship.  C comes next, either by her own scooter or with her jump rope ticka-ticking furiously on the asphalt.  V brings up the rear, sidewalk chalk in each fist, her little flip flops working double-time to catch up to her big sisters.  This has been the summer of skinned knees to be sure, but when the heat gives way to crisper air and changing leaves, I think the memories of outdoor play will be remembered most.

Today is an off day for us. We’re taking a break from the pool because M is getting her hair braided this afternoon.  She and C have been swimming just about everyday.  I spent a good chunk of the morning washing, conditioning and de-tangling her hair so that it would be ready for braids this afternoon.  While sitting in the bathroom, the girls listened attentively as I explained the importance of good hair care habits, why we try not to put a lot of heat on our hair and so on.  V sat for a bit, but then got up to empty out the contents of the bathroom vanity.  Once done with that endeavor, she grabbed for the storage basket of extra toilet paper rolls that I keep in the same general area. In addition to the rolls, the basket also had a magazine and soft zippered pouch where I keep my feminine hygiene products.  She unzipped the pouch and up-ended it, showering tampons and pads all over the floor.

“I know what these are!” C crowed, as she grabbed a handful and shook them under M’s nose. “These are tampoons!”

“I know they’re tampoons!” M said.

“Tampons.” I corrected, trying to corral the sanitary napkins with my foot while continuously blowing dry M’s hair.  “They’re called tampons. Those other things are called pads.”

“What are they used for?” asked C as she began replacing the items in the pouch.

“Grown up lady business.” I said.

“Grown up lady business, in the bathroom!” amended M.

“Yes, but what kind of grown up lady business?” C pressed. And just like that, I found myself in the middle of a teachable moment with my girls.  What should I do? Should I gloss over the purpose of pads and tampons? Should I just tell them never mind; I’ll tell you when you’re older? Should I just tell the truth as plainly as possible? How old was I when I had this conversation with my mom? Could I get her on the phone and have her explain it to them?  Tick tock, tick tock.

“Okay,” I said, setting down my hair tools. “Here’s the deal.  What I’m going to tell you is our private business.  That means, you keep it to yourself and you don’t need to share it with your friends.  I’m sure their moms will tell them what they need to know when they ask, so this is just for us.”  And then I launched into a brief anatomy lesson.  In truth, part of it was a review, because they had had some questions about V’s arrival several years ago.  This time, aided by M’s artists pad, I sketched out the female reproductive system. I likened the thickening of the uterus to the feathering of a nest. I explained how the uterus is constantly preparing itself in the event a baby shows up (I did gloss over that part), and how if no baby shows up, the uterus then cleans itself by shedding the nest and starting again.  M was “Mmhmm-ing” and “Oh, I see-ing” while C was listening with furrowed brow.  I plunged ahead, explaining that the pads  were what collected the “old nest” and how you used and disposed of them, the whole time peppering the conversation with “But this doesn’t apply to you right now!” and “This won’t happen to you for a few more years!”

“But what about the tampoons, I mean, tampons,” M asked, “How do you use them?” At this point, I felt as though I was bumping up against more info than they needed, but I’d come this far.  I went into my closet and came back out with the American Girls The Care and Keeping of You book.  I’d bought it years ago in preparation for a moment such as this.  I thumbed it open to the section of changes in your body and together, we read all about menstruation, sanitary napkins and the like.  Again and again, I reminded them that while all of this was good info to have, it wouldn’t be info they would need for a several more years.  Then M pointed to the paragraph that said, “Most girls begin menstruation between the ages of 9 and 15.”

“A few more years,” I repeated, praying the organic chicken I’d been feeding them would help stave off any hormonal accelerations.

I let M read the book a bit more as I finished her hair. C took the info for what it was and went back to playing Barbies with V.  I reminded them that our conversation was just that, our conversation and they heartily agreed.  I put the book away, finished M’s hair and that was that.

While the girls were busy doing whatever they were doing in C’s room, I went downstairs to make lunch, do the laundry, clear the counter-tops and extinguish the dozen or so other little fires that needed my attention.  I called the girls down for lunch, C and V galloping into the kitchen.  M had to be called a few times and when she finally came down, I asked her what she had been doing.

“I was in the bathroom,” she began, “And then I was washing my hands. I saw one of your tampoons in the trash, Mom, and I figured it was just your uterus cleaning itself out. ”

Yes, M, it was just that.

Me and my big mouth.

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IN: ON: June 17, 2014 TAGS: , , , , , , BY: Hilary
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hair recipes

Recipe Friday on a Tuesday: 5 Ingredient Lemon Chicken With Asparagus

Gah, I hate the sound of my own voice.  I read this article a few weeks ago that said if you put your hand over your right ear and talk, what you hear is how others hear your voice.  *shudder* I haven’t done it and I don’t think I want to.  I heard myself talking on my outgoing voice mail message and promptly decided to go with the default message instead.  I only bring that up because I’m transcribing this post from a voice memo I made last week.  In the hectic, scary wonderful week that has been leading up to the big reveal of my children’s book, I did manage to eke out a few ideas for my home base here at Hilary with One L.  Of course, most of those ideas came when I was either a) driving or b) as far away from my computer or any other means to write as possible.  I keep forgetting the iPhone has a voice memo app!  When I did remember to use it this week, I felt like a champion. Hands on hips, chest thrust out, I listened to my bright ideas unspooling like ticker tape like, “Look at what I have created! Wait, is that really my voice?”

In any event, here’s what I had recorded.  So, you know how I love tumblr.  My tumble blog  pretty much consists of me reblogging pictures of shoes, the Eiffel Tower, Christian Bale and food.  In one of my post-dinner tumblr time sucks, I came across this gorgeous photo.

photo courtesy of Pinch of Yum

This picture got my tummy to burbling.  Chicken, asparagus, and lemons? All in one pan? Get in my belly!  I clicked around a bit more and found the original post on a website called “Pinch of Yum.” Who couldn’t use a pinch of yum in their life, right?  I read about the author, Lindsay, and how she became a blogger-foodie-photographer.  Then I went back to the recipe to figure out how I could get this photo onto my kitchen table IRL.  As luck would have it, the post was entitled “5 Ingredient Lemon Chicken with Asparagus”.  Five ingredient?! Surely, you jest, Pinch of Yum.  It was too good to be true, but in fact, it was all true! Five ingredients! Ingredients that I have on hand pretty much all the time.

I’m big on proper prior planning, so there are some staples that I will always have for occasions when I have to throw something together. While I don’t keep a weeks worth of recipes at my elbow when I’m making my grocery list, more often than not, I’m making things with what I know I already have.  The grocery list may have a few odds and ends that we don’t normally find in our crisper or pantry.  Recipes that call for three filaments of saffron or 1/8th of a tsp. or cream of tartar just don’t get made.  These five ingredients, though — chicken, lemons, asparagus, flour, butter (and salt and pepper, but that doesn’t count because most folks have that on their table) — I had at the ready. The chicken was even already defrosted *miracle*  just waiting to be turned from raw and slippery to golden and crispy.

I know I’m a little overly excited about this, but bear with me.  It’s the small things that give you the greatest joys.  As we are winding down to the end of the school year, the activities are winding up with end of year parties, swim team, birthday parties, and the like.  Transitioning from one type of routine to another, while I’m working on the book, pressed for time and trying to get everything done has been daunting.  Being able to take something off my plate, no pun intended, by making a dinner that is relatively health, quick and delicious felt like such a huge victory.

Too often I’m running around like a crazy person. I’ve been told that I make it look easy, and while I appreciate the compliment, there is a lot of lever pulling going on behind the curtain. My recent post entitled Salt Water: 3 ways resonated with a number of people. I can’t pinpoint if it was the working out section, the crying anecdote or the beach paragraph,  but I did get a lot of feedback about it. Honesty is important to me. I’m not trying to “Insta-glam” or “Fake-book” my way through life. I’m trying to be as honest as i can about how I’m feeling. Certainly I was hesitant to reveal what prompted my huge cry because I want there to be some privacy in my life and by extension, my husbands’ life. There are some things you don’t want everyone to see and I did wrangle with the potential of The Hubs losing some cool points over it.  My honesty helped several people say, “Whew, I thought I was the only one,” or “Amen!” or “I’m glad I’m not the only one.” That meant a lot to me.  It’s important to let people know that they aren’t the only ones.  While we all lead very fortunate lives, it can be hard at times.

People would comment on how I do everything I do, and I used to say, “Oh, you know, I plan ahead or I do XYZ.” I would be dismissive about it, but now I’m starting to accept the compliment.  Admitting that it is hard can give someone else the chance to just relax and feel connected, if only for a moment, and say, “Thank goodness that someone else understands it.”   I read an article in Glamour magazine by the actress Zosia Mamet. She was talking about the definition of success and how women look at other women as giving up on their potential if they if they are just feeling good about what they are currently doing. For example,  if you’re an executive and not trying to become the CEO, then you aren’t reaching your potential. If you are a mother raising children and you aren’t knocking it out of the park with every birthday party, Arbor Day, Groundhog Day and Winter Solstice party, then you aren’t successful. That really resonated with me.  Mom competition (mom-petition) is real.  Mamet talked about women not supporting each other.  I want to be supportive of other women. Female friendships and relationships are key.  You can’t do it by yourself. Your mother isn’t always going to be there or your partner or whomever. It’s essential to have like minded individuals in your corner, in your community, that you can talk to and share with. In order to have that, sometimes you have to pull back the curtain, show the levers being pulled and risk a little bit of loss of face.

And how does this all relate to 5 Ingredient Lemon Chicken with Asparagus? There are so many thoughts and feelings –all the feels– coursing through and around my brain, that when something small as being able to make dinner without having to think about it because you have all the ingredients on hand, ready to go,  when everything else seems to be really tough and in need of 25 steps, finding something that is pleasing to all the senses is a huge a win.

Happy Tuesday, y’all!

5 Ingredient Lemon Chicken With Asparagus

recipe courtesy of Pinch of Yum

serves: 3-4 (nutrition is for 4 servings)

Ingredients
  • 1 lb. boneless skinless chicken breasts
  • ¼ cup whole wheat flour (all purpose will work, too)
  • ½ teaspoon salt
  • 2 tablespoons butter
  • 1 teaspoon lemon pepper seasoning
  • 1 cup chopped asparagus
  • 2 lemons, sliced
Instructions
  1. Cover the chicken breasts with plastic wrap and pound until each pieces is about a ¾ of an inch thick. Place the flour and salt in a shallow dish and gently toss each chicken breast in the dish to coat. Melt the butter in a large skillet over medium high heat; add the chicken and saute for 3-5 minutes on each side, until golden brown, sprinkling each side with the lemon pepper directly in the pan.
  2. When the chicken is cooked through, transfer to a plate. Add the lemon slices and chopped asparagus to the pan. Make sure the lemon slices are on the bottom so that they caramelize and pick up the browned bits left in the pan from the chicken and butter.
  3. When the asparagus is done and the lemons are golden brown, add the chicken back to the pan and rearrange everything (lemons on top) so it looks nice for serving.
photo by hgd via Instagram

photo by hgd via Instagram

Lindsay at Pinch of Yum suggested serving this dish with the following: an extra sprinkle of salt and pepper, fresh herbs, a drizzle of honey, and a slice of whole grain bread. I did not have any bread on hand, sadly, but I did have some brown rice which I jazzed up with some onion powder, salt and pepper.

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IN: hair recipes ON: June 3, 2014 TAGS: , , , , , , , , BY: Hilary
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hair

Who Is Maggie Sinclair?!

 

family2

Me and my gram, circa 1981.

I stopped using chemicals in my hair in 1999.  Up until that point, I had gone to great lengths to chemically straighten my hair.  When I decided to do the “Big Chop”, I had no idea that my unprocessed hair would become so curly and so full.  Had I looked at some old photographs, I probably wouldn’t have been so surprised.

Several months after my big chop, my hair took on a life of its own, growing and curling about my head.  Whenever I would visit my grandmother, she would say, “Hilary, when are you going to fix your hair?!” To which I would reply, “Gram, there’s nothing wrong with it.  It looks just like yours!” And indeed, my grandmother wore her own variegated gray curls in loose Afro about her face.  She would then pat her curls and say, “And I’m a good looking woman!”

This became our running gag over the years, even when Gram was much older and infirm.  She would still find a way to pat my head and tsk, tsk, tsk at my hair, despite the fact that hers, now more white than gray, was a mirror image.

Gram passed away in August of 2012, just two weeks after I had last seen her.  Our last exchange about when I would fix my hair would be our last.   At her funeral shortly thereafter, I listened to family, friends and neighbors share stories about Gram and all of the advice she dispensed.  Somehow, I found myself at the front of the room, beside her casket, un-spooling my own story from my memory.  I talked about how I was her youngest grandchild, how I had just visited with her and my three curly haired girls.  I described our back and forth about my hair,  so familiar and funny, so part of our interaction as much as any hug and kiss.  I shared a piece of my grandmother that my father, his siblings, the extended family, didn’t know about and was glad to do so. Her curls are my curls and my curls belong to my girls.

The constant refrain of, “When are you going to fix your hair?” spun around and around in my head until I put pen to paper and created Maggie Sinclair.  Maggie loves her natural hair and all of the versatile ways she can style it.  Her grandmother, however,  sees her hair as something that needs to be fixed.  This story, rooted in my own experience and crafted with love, shows how a young girl uses her creativity and imagination to celebrate her lovely head of hair while sharing a lesson about self-love.

The book is written and the illustrations are complete. Publication is moving forward.  Links to purchase the book will be posted once they are available.  In the meantime, stay connected and join in our activities!

Come follow Maggie on Pinterest and like her on Facebook!

 

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IN: hair ON: June 1, 2014 TAGS: , BY: Hilary
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hair

From the Archives: Hair We Go Again

While I put the finishing touches on my project, please enjoy some posts chronicling my natural hair journey.

original post first published February 16, 2012

When I last left you, I had decided forgo the big curls and opt for a sleek pixie cut.  Yes, I went back to the relaxer.  I can remember sitting in the stylists chair, looking at how bone straight my hair had become after applying the chemicals.  It was surprising.  I had gone from a voluminous, wide, halo like style to a Morticia Addams, sleek and swirling around my shoulders style.  The temptation to keep my hair long and flowing was great, I’ll admit. I knew, however, that long hair on me ends up in a ponytail after about five minutes.  Coupled with the fact that M and C nearly had an aneurysm every time I would get my hair done by the Dominicans, I felt like I was being kind of hypocritical if I came home with my hair swinging. When the stylist asked me what we going to do with my hair, I said, “Cut it.” So I lost many inches, but came out with a super cute cut.

10 months later,  I decided to go back to my natural curly ‘do. I had gotten spoiled by being natural.  It had been years since I’d gone to the salon and now I was running over there more often than I care to admit.  The time, maintenance, and upkeep involved was not fun.  I missed the ease that natural hair afforded me. My hair had become a chore.  I was due for a touch up and skipped it.  Another few weeks went by and my new growth was reaching the stage where I either had to press it out, relax it out or cut off the straight pieces.  I calling my stylist on the fly and saying, “Can I just come in and have you cut the relaxer out?” I went over there, bumped the customer in the chair (sorry, Mom. Didn’t know that was your appointment) and literally five minutes later, I was relaxer free.  I felt like myself again.

That was November of 2010 and I’m still trying to figure out my hair.

I don’t know why I was surprised to learn that harsh chemical treatments might have long term effects on my hair.  What used to be a pretty consistent curl pattern from front to back has morphed into a more relaxed pattern in the front moving towards more tightly coiled curls in the back.  For those curly girls out there, from my forehead to my crown, I’m like a 3b and from my crown the nape of my neck I’m a 4a. I kept telling myself that the front was still perm that was growing out and that I just needed to go get it trimmed off once and for all.
I’m not a professional stylist and my natural, curly girl community hadn’t grown to where it is now.  I went back to my old routine of DIY hair care.  After a few months, I realized, I’d outgrown that, too.
The fact is, I’ve really grown in how I come to care for my hair and how I understand my hair. My mother has a totally different hair texture than I do; my thick curls are courtesy of my paternal grandmother — the one who is always asking me when I’m going to fixwith my hair.  When I was younger, mother’s solution to my kinky curls was to perm often. Whereas she might have had her hair straightened every 8 to 10 months, I was going every 8 to 10 weeks.  Crazy, I know.  But she didn’t know what to do and I learned to care for my hair by watching her do my own.  Here’s how clueless I was. . .I had no idea you could buy a perm kit at the drugstore and do it yourself.  When I was in need of touch-up to my roots and didn’t have enough money, I just told the stylist to cut it all off.    It was just hair. What’s the big deal?  I had about an inch of curly hair all around and the only thing I did was add some gel and roll.  As it grew into a more fuller afro, I would have my brother or my dad trim it up with their clippers.  Seriously, I was about as low maintenance as you could get. I didn’t know anything about curl types or sealing moisture into my hair with oil or satin pillowcases.  I don’t know what I was busy with, but it certainly wasn’t my hair.
This time around, though, I decided the best way for me to get the results that I wanted:

 (i.e. my old hair)
I needed to understand what I had and how best to treat it.
So, I talked with some friends about their curly hair experiences.  I listened to other curly girls expound on their love and loathe relationship with natural hair, everything from botched cuts from professionals claiming to know how to shape and cut to that one day when the stars aligned, the humidity was just right and the curls were perfect.   I started a Pinterest inspiration board, teeming with images of awesome natural hair, so that when my resolve started to crack, I could bolster myself up.   went to websites and looked up curl types, best hair brushes, highly recommended de-tanglers and so forth. I tried different products. . .many different products.
My arsenal of products
I found a stylist in a local salon who, after a lengthy conversation, said she would be able to trim out the rest of the relaxer (I knew there was some still there!) and get me on my way to my curls of yore.  When we met, I discovered she wore her hair naturally (bonus!) and was really listening to my concerns and needs about my hair.  She was the one who told me that in truth, there wasn’t much relaxer left in my hair. The scraggly pieces I was seeing was how my natural hair responded to the relaxer over time.  Whether or not the front would match the back would remain to be seen.From that appointment on, I have been more pro-active in what I do to my hair.  There’s more de-tangling involved. More parting my hair into quadrants and applying product on tedious section at a time, but I’m beginning to see more of what I want and less of what I don’t.  I invested in a Denman brush that I quickly gave to the girls, and a Tangle Teezer, which is fan-freaking-tastic. I got my hands on another set of products called Komaza and thus, adequately armed, jumped back into the natural, curly girl fray.  Here’s what happened.
Took off the sleep cap to reveal this Medusa-esque tangle of hair.  Into the shower, I go.

I washed with Miss Jessie’s Super Slip Sudsy Shampoo.  It’s very slippery in your hands, but feels tacky once it’s on your hair.  It claims to remove all product build-up and leave your hair manageable, but my hair felt really dried out, even while wet (if that makes sense).  I suppose that was a testament to how truly clean my hair was.  After the shampoo, I used Komaza’s Califia Leave-In Conditioner and combed it through with my Tangle Teezer.  I wrapped a tee-shirt around my head, got out of the shower, and got dressed.  Once I was dressed, I unwound the tee-shirt and my hair was very damp. I sectioned it off and then used Komaza’s Califia Moisturizing Cream and finger styled the rest.

Squeaky clean. Hair was still pretty wet. Just put in the product.

By the end of the day, I was still pretty pleased with my hair, though there was some curl shrinkage. I really want a product that is going to be heavy enough to let my curls hang down, but not something that is going to dry them out and cause frizz.
Not a bad start. There’s room for improvement and I’m talking about my own technique. I plan to go back to the salon, have my ends trimmed to keep things healthy and just take the rest one day at a time. I’ve also decided to stop calling this experience a “hair battle”; my hair is probably taking offense at that and I need everyone to cooperate.

What has been your biggest challenge and/or success with your hair?

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IN: hair ON: May 30, 2014 TAGS: , BY: Hilary
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