Hilary

Three Days Makes a Habit

I heard this somewhere once.  If you’re trying to break a habit or create a new one, if you persevere for three days, after that, it’ll become part of your overall modus operandi.

I’ll calling bull on that.

The Hubs and I are working on having better eating habits, not just in the new year, but going forward.We have several friends who have been making the switch from omnivores to vegetarians, pescatarians, and a few vegans.  I’m not quite sure I can get down with veganism, but I doff my hat to those that do.  We’ve been told to read “The Omnivore’s Dilema” and watch “Forks over Knives”, as well as scores of other books, articles and documentaries that list how we are slowly poisoning ourselves from the inside out with the consumption of processed foods and hormone infused proteins.  I know, I know.  There’s no reason a chicken breast should be as big as my quadricep.  That would be a really big chicken.  Really big.

Not only do our friends make some good points about healthful eating, but our bodies are starting mutiny.  The ol’ metabolism is slowing down for both of us, stuff gravitates towards the mid-section way faster and sticks around way longer than it used to.  So, in addition to making sure we get our fruits and veggies in, we are also working on cutting back on red meat consumption.  I give you, Meatless Mondays.

Mondays are hard enough, but no meat on top of it? It’s agony.

I’m already a finicky eater. This is a well established and well documented fact.  Trying to come up with some additional meals that don’t include meat (and in this case meat for us is beef, chicken, or pork) is tricky.  Case in point: The first Meatless Monday we had, the Hubs was away on a business trip.  I didn’t tell the girls about the new plan; I decided to just serve up the meals and see what happened.  Breakfast was easy enough — cereal and fruit all around.  Lunch for the girls included PB&J, fruit, some popcorn, and maybe a cookie.  For me, I had a salad and a bowl of lentil soup.  So far, so good.

Around dinner time, the Hubs texted me and asked how things were going.  He told me that he was planning on having a vegetable medley of some sort while he was out doing his business trip stuff.  I didn’t want to have to go out to the store and buy some vegetarian options, but the pantry was mocking me with it’s bareness and preponderance of meaty options.

Getting creative, I pulled out some pasta, bread crumbs, and broccoli.  I cooked the pasta per the directions on the box.  I sautéed the broccoli with a little EVOO, salt and pepper.  I then toasted the panko breadcrumbs with EVOO, s&p, and some rosemary flakes.  So far so good.  Reserving a little bit of the pasta water, I mixed the noodles, the crumbs and the broccoli altogether, just as Mo came wandering into the kitchen.

“NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”  She saw me fold the broccoli into the bowl and she flipped out. “Don’t! No, don’t mix it!”   The agony on her face was palpable.  Quickly, I told her to relax and to go wash her hands.  I served up small bowls of this pasta primavera-ish concoction and we all sat down.

One guess as to how well it went over.

Mo and Co pushed the past around on their plates.  And pushed it around. And pushed it around.

“Where’s the chicken?” Mo asked, carefully separating broccoli from spaghetti.

“There isn’t any tonight,” I said simply.  I didn’t plan on going into it; I didn’t have the energy.

“What’s for dessert?” ask Co, per usual.

At this point, I  didn’t want to eat the pasta either, but I couldn’t let them know that.  I’m the grown-up! I’m going to make Meatless Monday work, dang it!  So I told them that they could either eat what I had made or. . .and I cast about for a suitable alternative that I wouldn’t have to do much with in order for them to eat it.  Bananas.

There were four bananas on top of the fridge that had their toe on the line of over-ripeness.  I told the girls they could eat the pasta or eat the bananas or go to bed.

They took the bananas.

And then, had the nerve to eat the bananas while having the following conversation.

Mo: This is the most delicious banana I have ever had!

Co:  Me, too!

Mo:  Don’t you just love bananas?

Co: Yes! Yes, I do!  And this banana is the best.

Mo: I wish we could eat bananas everyday.

Co: I’m going to have another banana for dessert.

You think FLOTUS gave an epic eye roll to Boehner at the inauguration? Who do you think she learned it from?

In any event, Meatless Monday is progressing.  It’s been three weeks, so it’s not quite a habit.  I think it has to be three consecutive days to make a habit.  Three consecutive days without meat might lead to some ramifications for which I refuse to be held responsible.  I can’t say what it might be, but use your imagination.

In truth, our Meatless Monday dinners are improving.  Pinterest, The Pioneer Woman, and Food Network have become really good resources.  There have been quite a few bean based soups simmering on the stovetop.  Still,  I would give anything for a hamburger right now.  I’ve been on tumblr, stalking burgers.

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Mmmmm. . . .burgers. . .

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IN: ON: January 23, 2013 TAGS: , , , , BY: Hilary
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Nostalgia

On January 15th, 2013, my sorority, Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated,  celebrated it’s 105th anniversary.  Two days prior to that, Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Incorporated celebrated their Centennial anniversary.

Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and pretty much every social media out there, practically imploded at the constant stream of updates, pictures, tweets, and collages that kept spooling in over the course of those two days.  And with good reason, too.  The women who belong to these respective organizations, along with countless other women who make up the membership of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Incorporated and Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority, Incorporated, have a deep personal relationship with one another and the purpose of their organizations.

Scholarship. Service. Sisterhood.

It doesn’t stop once you graduate from college, either. Graduate chapters abound, enabling these Black Greeks to continue in service, scholarship and sisterhood as they navigate life after college.  Not only does graduate membership help honor ones commitment to an organization, but it is a safe haven as well.  Whenever I have relocated from one city to another, I know that if I find a graduate chapter of AKA, I will be welcomed without hesitation.

If anyone has watched Spike Lee’s iconic movie, “School Daze” or caught any of the earliest episodes of the Cosby show spin-off “A Different World”, you might have a general, albeit hyperbolized, idea of Black Greek Life on campus.  Historically speaking, Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated was the first sorority established for Black women on the campus of Howard University in 1908.  Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Incorporated, Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Incorporated and Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority, Incorporated were founded in 1913, 1920, and 1922 respectively.  I’m not going to get into the who’s, why’s, and what for’s that cause the formation of several different sororities, but suffice it to say, as a result, certain stereotypes have emerged.

Certainly, those of us Sister Greeks can poke fun at ourselves and at one another, especially when it’s done in a light hearted way.  There are other times, when ladies can take themselves a bit too seriously, and feelings get hurt.  I’m firmly a member of the first camp, and so are the women with whom I surround myself.  That fact was never made more clear than on January 13th and January 15th of this year.

This is a picture of me and the group of ladies I rolled with during college.  Dara and Cheri were my freshman and sophomore roommates, respectively.  I met Courtney and Leasa when we were 13 and at camp together. Roberta and Mia I met as a freshman and we went on to remain friends well into adulthood.

R to L: Leasa, Cheri, Dara, Hilary, Courtney, Roberta and Mia

I look at this picture and realize this was one of the last times we all were together before we became members of our respective sororities.  Right to left, it breaks down like this — AKA, DST, AKA, AKA, DST, DST, and down in front, DST.  And please, if you have some comment about who chose what based on their skin color, or how easy it is to pick me out of the crowd, let me be the first to tell you:

1. I know.
2. This picture is close to 20 years old; there aren’t any more observations to make about those facts. 
3. It’s already been mentioned
4. Keep that shiggity to yourself.

Despite all of the stereotypes and perceived animosity or throwing of shade and hateration that surrounds the two organizations, I look at this picture and think, “Not in this little pocket.” Sure, over the years, we have grown apart through distance, work, relationships.  But we keep up with one another, renewing friendships and establishing others.  This pictures makes me happy and a little sad.  Happy because those smiles are so genuine. We were having a great night. We were young and blissfully unaware that there things much harder than mid-terms and summer internships coming down the pike.  Ignorance is bliss, right?

In any event, after talking about friendships and the people who belong in your life will come and stay, seeing this picture was a visual representation of that idea.  As I said, DST celebrated their Founder’s Day on January 13th and as it was their centennial year, the volume of messages and photos was immense and not unexpected.

I sent personal messages to a few of my sister greeks with whom I am particularly close, but as you know, I’m not given to status updates.  I let other people update their statuses with well wishes and shout outs to specific folks.  I’m not above co-siging on things like that, so I did.  I “liked” my fair share of photos from their Centennial event as well as updates.  SN: “like” sometimes isn’t enough to really convey how I feel about a picture or an update.   I need a +1, or a “me too”, or a love button or something that conveys a “what he/she said”.

And sure, there were plenty of the joke type of updates, particularly the riff on the Kanye West/Taylor Swift speech.

(boy, everything becomes a meme)
But overall, there was a lot of Black Greek love going on.  Even one of my line sisters got in the act.

Here it goes! (Uh-hum) Congratulations to the lovely ladies of Delta Sigma Theta for 100 years of service. I am truly honored to call many of these women some of “bestest” (better than best) friends. Here’s to another 100 years of opportunity to ruin every DST picture I can. Remember at the top of every pyramid is my pinkie :). Pinkies Up…Love you ladies! — 

That’s the type of relationship we have with one another.  Exactly.

Two days later, the AKAs celebrated their Founder’s Day and my inbox was flooded with well-wishes from my sorority sisters, near and far.  As I was scrolling through them FB alerted me that I got tagged in a post.  It read:

although you are not my sorority sisters, you are still my greek sisters – happy founders day to my aka loveliesTiffany D., Dara D., Hilary D., LaVonne C., Margo S., Angel S., Candi A., Nicole G., Melissa D., Karen S.

Touching, right? I immediately thought of the photo above and just how far we’ve come as sister, women, and friends.  Despite the colors we wear or the letters on our chests, we’re still the same group of girls that came to the campus of William and Mary in the fall of 1996, graduated in the spring of 2000 and had all manner of adventures in between.

We’re coming up on our 15 year college reunion, and I would love to recreate this photo, maybe even expand upon it to include those young ladies we’ve brought up behind us.  Because like I said before, it doesn’t end with graduation.  It’s really only the beginning, and what a run we’ve had so far. 

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IN: ON: January 21, 2013 TAGS: , , BY: Hilary
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History in the Making

I stay away from airing my political views on any form of social media. It’s a volatile subject and I know there are some whose views don’t align with my own.  Still, when it comes to significant events in history, it doesn’t matter on which side of the aisle you find yourself.  It’s important archive that experience for your own personal history.  

This morning, I turned on the TV to have a bit of a distraction while I folded umpteen piles of laundry.  I guess I had left the station on CNN, because that was broadcasting as I sorted and folded.  I called the girls into the room as Wolf Blitzer announced the swearing in that was to take place in the blue room.  I heard the President being announced and begin his recitation of the oath.  When I looked up, this is what I saw. 

We will all remember when President Obama was elected for his first term.  Now my girls can remember where they were when he was sworn in for his second.  

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IN: ON: January 21, 2013 TAGS: , BY: Hilary
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recipes

Recipe Friday

The weather has been downright awful lately.  I definitely haven’t been wanting to get out of bed, and yet, I must.  I get the troops moving, under much duress and with much protestations.  By the time everyone is dressed, fed, brushed and buffed, I’ve got the car already warming and the umbrellas ready to go.

It’s little consolation, though.  The cold temps coupled with the constant precipitation has made my mood nice and soggy.  I’m up to three cups of coffee a day to shake off the chill, but really, I need to battle these winter doldrums and wintry mix with lots of blankets, thick socks, and soup.  I can’t believe want some soup!  But there it is.

Last night, as the girls danced around the house in a “Lord of the Flies” type snow day dance, I dished up bowls of comfort for me and my parents.  I’ve been wanting to try my hand at this tortilla soup ever since we had it at Vivo’s godmother’s house a few weeks ago.  That recipe was a crockspot recipe from Cooks Illustrated.  This one is a Pioneer Woman cum Pinterest special.  I’m sure you could do it in the crockpot; I did it on the stovetop while singing silly songs to a very angry, exer-saucer bound Vivi.  She was eventually placated with some mashed up avocado and a silicon spatula to gum on as I shredded chicken and chopped cilantro.

As it turns out, today is a snow day.  Did you see the “Thunder Snow” last night? That was awesome.

I guess the inside out, backwards pajamas and the ice cubes in the toilet, as well as the fervent prayers, snow dances, and so forth really worked.  School is the closed and the girls are going nuts.  And wouldn’t you know it, the one day they don’t have to get up, they’re both up, dressed, and raring to go before the sun comes up.  I kid you not; Mo came downstairs at 6:40am, like “Zippity-doo-dah! Zippity-ay! My, oh, my, what a wonderful day!” Yesterday,  I couldn’t get her out of bed with a crow bar.

Anyway, after a decent breakfast and a little FaceTime with Uncle Christopher, I got them dressed in their snow gear and sent them outside.  Last time it snowed, they went out looking like little hobos — three pairs of tights and trash bag leggings underneath jeans.  I had to rectify that, so I caught the end of season sale and got them outfitted with jackets, gloves, and grow-with-me snow pants.  This may be the only and smallest snowfall of the year, but we were prepared!

Victory is mine!

So, after a brief romp in the snow (20 minutes, which is actually 19 minutes longer than last time), the girls were back in the house.  I have no idea what’s on tap for the rest of the day, but if my piles upon piles of paper on the dining room table are any indication, there will be some TV time for sure.  I do know, however, what we’re having for dinner!

Happy Friday, y’all!

Chicken Tortilla Soup courtesy of The Pioneer Woman

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Ingredients

  • 2 whole Boneless, Skinless Chicken Breasts
  • 1 Tablespoon Olive Oil
  • 1-1/2 teaspoon Cumin
  • 1 teaspoon Chili Powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon Garlic Powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon Salt
  • 1 Tablespoon Olive Oil
  • 1 cup Diced Onion
  • 1/4 cup Diced Green Bell Pepper
  • 1/4 cup Red Bell Pepper
  • 3 cloves Garlic, Minced
  • 1 can (10 Oz. Can) Rotel Tomatoes And Green Chilies
  • 32 ounces, fluid Low Sodium Chicken Stock
  • 3 Tablespoons Tomato Paste
  • 4 cups Hot Water
  • 2 cans (15 Oz. Can) Black Beans, Drained
  • 3 Tablespoons Cornmeal Or Masa
  • 5 whole Corn Tortillas, Cut Into Uniform Strips Around 2 To 3 Inches
  • _____
  • FOR THE GARNISHES:
  • Sour Cream
  • Diced Avocado
  • Diced Red Onion
  • Salsa Or Pico De Gallo
  • Grated Monterey Jack Cheese
  • Cilantro

Preparation Instructions

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Mix cumin, chili pepper, garlic powder, and salt. Drizzle 1 tablespoon olive oil on chicken breasts, then sprinkle a small amount of spice mix on both sides. Set aside the rest of the spice mix.
Place chicken breasts on a baking sheet. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes, or until chicken is done. Use two forks to shred chicken. Set aside.
Heat 1 tablespoon olive oil in a pot over medium high heat. Add onions, red pepper, green pepper, and minced garlic. Stir and begin cooking, then add the rest of the spice mix. Stir to combine, then add shredded chicken and stir.
Pour in Rotel, chicken stock, tomato paste, water, and black beans. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to a simmer. Simmer for 45 minutes, uncovered.
Mix cornmeal with a small amount of water. Pour into the soup, then simmer for an additional 30 minutes. Check seasonings, adding more if needed—add more chili powder if it needs more spice, and be sure not to undersalt. Turn off heat and allow to sit for 15 to 20 minutes before serving. Five minutes before serving, gently stir in tortilla strips.
Ladle into bowls, then top with sour cream, diced red onion, diced avocado, pico de gallo, and grated cheese, if you have it! (The garnishes really make the soup delicious.)
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IN: recipes ON: January 18, 2013 TAGS: , , , , , , BY: Hilary
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Cheat Sheet

I’m not Wonder Woman. I’m not Super-Mom. 
I’m not.  
Really.  
I’m just a highly organized, type A personality having Virgo, who gets extreme satisfaction from making to-do lists and crossing off items efficiently and quickly.  
It’s all about systems, about doing what works for you to get the most amount of things done in the shortest period of time so that you have just enough energy at the end of the day to read “Pinkalicious” or “Alexander and the No Good, Horrible, Very Bad Day” one more time before you wine gets warm.  Or do whatever it is you do at the end of the day, that one last task that feels almost Herculean to overcome, but if you push through it. . .ohhhh, the overwhelming feeling of achievement.
When people praise me up and scratch their heads as to how I (seemingly) do it all, while I appreciate the compliments, I want to grab them by the shoulders and say, “I’m a fraud! I don’t know what I’m doing!”  Look, I don’t pretend to have all of the answers. I know I don’t have all of the answers.  I make up a crap-ton of stuff as I go along, but I strongly believe in “Fake it ’til you make it”.  So, I’m inviting you in, pulling back the curtain and hanging out my tips and tricks like after dinner mints.  There’s no secret here — these are things have worked for me.  Use them all, use a few, don’t use any — whatever works for you. Just know that I believe you’re doing the best you can, the best way you know how, because that’s exactly what I’m doing. 
1. Proper Prior Planning — I don’t go anywhere without my planner. I’m talking about an old-school, paper based, spiral bound planner.  I was making plans with a girlfriend the other day and I whipped out the planner; her eyebrows shot up to her hairline like, “Are you for real?” Yes. Yes I am for real.  The planner is my ride or die chick.  I tried the PDA once; put all my contacts and to-do’s in there.  That thing crashed like the Hindenburg. Never again.  Strictly pencil and paper so I know where to go and what to do.  Write it down, plan in advance, consult it often. You’ll be amazed at how on task-you will be(come).
2. Prep Work — I learned the value of prep work from my dad.  My dad was a cook in the army and could make beef wellington out of a pound of ground chuck and two potatoes. I kid, but that should give you an idea of the type of person I’m talking about.  In any event, my dad always prepped what he was about to make before he got down to business.  Ingredients out and pre-measured. Pans and oven pre-heated. Everything within arms reach, and of course, clean as you go.  
(and that’s exactly how my kitchen looks, too. complete with two assistants.)
These tips have saved me time and again as I move throughout the course of the day with three hungry mouths to feed.  I do lots of things the night before so that when I get up in the morning, those are less things that need to be done. The dishwasher is loaded and ready.  I pull out jackets and backpacks, lined up so the lunch boxes can just be popped right in.  I replenish the diaper bag and set it on the counter.   During the day, I prep for dinner while I’m making breakfast. I prep the next day’s lunches while I’m making dinner.  The way I see it, if I’ve got to be in the kitchen anyway, then I’m going to maximize my output.  
3.  Crafts and Holidays — I’m a photographer, and when I’m not working for a client, I like to take pictures of my girls.  These are the most photographed kids on the planet.  The number of photo albums, scrapbooks, framed prints and the like that are floating around the house is downright ridiculous.  Usually, we find ourselves on the cusp of a holiday (Christmas, Valentine’s, Easter, Arbor Day), and that holiday usually has gift giving component to it.  When I see a cute craft idea for a holiday, I get to work on it sooner rather than later.  Case in point: With the holiday card I sent out this year, I took the pictures on November 17th.  
Vivi, Co, & Mo: Holiday 2012
I wanted to get it all taken care of and wrapped up before the swell of holiday craziness got out of control. Plus, I planned to be taking lots of other folks holiday pictures as well, so a little practice shoot never hurt.  Valentine’s Day is the next major holiday coming up and I know that the girls want to give out Valentine’s to all of their friends.  Best believe I started putting that together this week from a Pinterest board pin I found back – – -34 weeks ago (there was no date on the pin, you do the math).  See, I’ve found that sometimes, you gotta just do things in the present, even if you don’t have to have it ready for a while.  To quote Ferris Bueller, “Life comes at you fast”.  Get a jump on things.  One last holiday related tip for those of you who send out holiday cards: make a Word doc list of who you received cards from and their address. Print it out and stick in with wherever you keep your holiday ornaments.  Guess what happens next Christmas? You pull out the decorations, there’s your list. No worries about who or where to send the cards.
4. Daily Grind — There are some things that have to get done, day in and day out.  Laundry. Washing dishes. Feeding the children.  I’m trying to be more consistent about assigning certain tasks to certain days.  I don’t have some Martha Stewart-y chart hung up somewhere. I keep it all in my head. For instance, Sunday afternoons are when I wash and twist out the girls’ hair.  Saturday mornings, I strip the bed and change the towels.  Wednesday is public library day and we exchange last week’s books for new ones.  I thought about making a week-end day a laundry day, but that just didn’t happen. I don’t want to ruin a perfectly good week-end with load upon load of laundry.  When I figure out the best way to manage the clothes (aside from investing in disposable ones), I”ll let you know. 
5.  Thank You Notes — I love correspondence.  I love stationery. I actually enjoy writing notes to people, even thank you notes.  The trick to not only remembering to write them, but to do it in a timely fashion is to make it part of the event to-do list.  Here’s an example: Co had her 5th birthday last September. I got the thank you notes with the invites and as the RSVPs came in, I addressed the thank you notes.  I look at writing the thank you notes as part of the post party clean up.  After the last cupcake was eaten, the last of the balloons deflated and the kids are lying prostrate on the ground in sugar comas, I sat down at the kitchen table, brushed aside a pile of crumbs and got to work.  While the dishwasher hummed along, scrubbing pizza cheese and mashed goldfish off of the plates, I thanked the guests for coming and their generous gifts. I stuffed the note in the envelope, licked it and stamped it.  My mother looked at me with incredulity and said, “When I grow up, I want to be just like you.” Of course, at the time, I was riding high on a Percocet wave courtesy of ankle-gate 2012.  I mean, what else what I going to do?  Still, if you write the note while everything is fresh in your mind, you’re ahead of the game.  And as for the fill-in-the-blank ones? Go for it! 
6. Ask for help — This is tough for me because I am fiercely independent and proud of what I can do for myself, by myself.  Asking for help is truly a challenge, but I know now that it is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength.  You have to know yourself to know when situations are going to take more than your capabilities.  I’m not just talking about “Help me move this sofa from here to here”. I’m talking about asking for help with picky eaters, tattlers, bed-wetters, won’t-wear-anything-but-a-dress types, and runs-screaming-when-she-sees-me-with-a-hair-brush.  I’m happy to share what I’ve learned.  These aren’t state secrets and I’m secure enough to know that sharing with you isn’t going to instantly catapult your child ahead of mine for the big chair in the Oval Office.  Besides, my girls don’t want to be President anyway.  
7.  Go to Bed — Have you ever heard that story about how women differ from men when they say they’re going to bed? Basically, women say they’re going to bed, then they make the lunches, empty the dishwasher, fill the coffee pot, lay out tomorrow’s clothes, take off their make up, brush their teeth, use the toilet, put on a pore minimizing mask, check their email one last time and turn out the light.  Men say they’re going to bed, then they pull back the covers and go to bed.  It’s the truth.  Even when I say I’m going to bed, it’s 30 minutes at least before my butt hits the mattress and even then, I still have about 10 minutes of PT to do before I can turn off the light.  The hubs could have done his entire evening toilette, read a few chapters of his book and have the light off before I’ve made it to my side.  Here’s the challenge: one night a week, try to get to bed an hour earlier than usual.  Whatever you would normally do, just don’t.  If you can stop what you’re doing and turn in, do it.  Last night, I said that I was going to go to bed at 9 — which meant, I was going to shut things down at 9; I didn’t actually turn off the light until 10, but that’s still an hour earlier than the night before.  That extra hour of sleep makes a difference, especially if you’re up early putting your daily grind schedule to work. 
So, there it is. Seven little pearls of wisdom to help make things go smoother for you. Or maybe they’re seven tidbits that you already knew, but just confirmed that you were on track.  

Please don’t think that I’m directing all of this wisdom to just parents. By all means, whoever you are and whatever you do, find ways to pare things down so that you’ve got more time to do the things you love.  That right there, is probably the most fortune cookie-esque thing I have ever said.

You’re welcome.

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IN: ON: January 17, 2013 TAGS: , , BY: Hilary
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If You Give a Mom a Moment. . .

Originally, I wrote this post in May of 2010.  My day thus far has mirrored these words more than a little bit.
****************************************************************************
If you give a mom a moment, she’ll probably take a deep breath before picking up her “to-do” list.

Taking that deep breath will make her wrinkle her nose at the stink wafting out of the diaper pail.

Once she’s taken out the bag of dirty diapers, she’ll probably collect all of the trashes from the rest of the bathrooms.

In the master bathroom, she’ll notice this morning’s towels laying in a pile on the floor.  She’ll replace the old towels with clean ones and decided to run the dirties through the laundry.

Not wanting to run half a load, she’ll strip the beds and empty the hampers.

Once in the laundry room, she’ll see that she is low on detergent, so she’ll head to the kitchen to grab the magnetic pad off of the fridge to make a grocery list.

She’ll write down detergent, open the fridge an check to see what else she needs to pick up.

With her head in the fridge, she’ll spy the chicken breasts she took out the night before to defrost for dinner.

Thinking of dinner makes her hungry and she’ll realize that the breakfast table hasn’t been cleared.

She’ll clear the table, crumb the table, and wipe down the table.

All of that cleaning has given her an appetite and she realizes that she hasn’t had breakfast.

She’ll brew a pot of coffee and reach for her favorite mug, but the mug isn’t there.

She’ll open the dishwasher to find it wedged between a milky sippy cup and peanut-butter smeared Hello Kitty plate.

Once she has the dishwasher off and running, she’ll de-crumb the kitchen counters and sweep the kitchen floor.

Sweeping the kitchen floor will remind her of Cinderella, which will make her think of the Princess themed birthday party the kids will be attending this week-end.

Thinking of the birthday party, she’ll head to the hall closet where she keeps emergency party gifts.

On her way to the closet, she’ll wind her way through two coats, four pairs of mis-matched shoes, a doll-carriage, a doll missing its head, several books overdue at the library, and a Netflix DVD.

She’ll reseal the DVD in the envelope, slide the library books onto the mail table by the door, strap the headless baby into the carriage, place the shoes at the foot of the stairs to be taken up on her next pass,

Looking at the stairs reminds her of the stair climber at the gym, and the fact that she still has on her workout clothes from earlier in the day (the fact that she has yet to go to the gym today is not lost on her).

After hanging the coats in the closet, she feels around for the party gift and gives herself a pat on the back for her proper prior planning.

A pat on the back makes her think how nice a massage would be, so she decides to add that to her “to-do” list.

And chances are, before she reaches for that “to-do” list, she’s going to take a deep breath, if only for just a moment.

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IN: ON: January 16, 2013 TAGS: , , , BY: Hilary
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(The Return of) Monday’s Message

I’m a real cynic when I hear people talking about the Universe and “When you put stuff out into the Universe, things happen!” or “Such-and-such happened to you because the Universe was sending you a message (see ankle-gate 2012).” To which I reply,  **koff,koff*bull-isht*koff,koff*.

Sometimes, though, things literally appear right before my eyes.  Then I’m forced to admit, maybe I need to pick up what’s being put down (see ankle-gate 2012).

The other day, I was sitting in the carpool pick up line and clicked onto Tumblr. The first thing in my newsfeed was this quote.  
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Those are some powerful words.  Immediately, I reblogged it on tumblr. Then I emailed it to myself and put it up on insta.gram (curly_girlie78).

See, when it comes to me and friendships, I feel like this is the story of my life.  I suck at making friends.  Contrary to popular belief, I’m pretty shy.  Shyness can be misconstrued as snottiness or uppityness.  When that is the case, making friends is pretty difficult.  Once people get to know me, they inevitably say, “You know, when we first met, I thought you were SO stuck-up!” I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been told that.  I’m neither of those; I just don’t like putting myself out there.  I  still feel like the braces wearing, coke-bottle glasses sporting, Superman “S” curl hair-do having tween-ager who’s the first one to fall asleep at the sleepover.  You know, I’ve got that I’m a kid at the grown-ups table thing going on.  

Whatever the case is, as I’ve matured, I’ve tried to approach things differently.  I was talking with a friend shortly after we moved back to RIC.  She had said that it must be nice coming back to a place where I already had a network of friends.  In truth, coming back really crystallized the old adage, “You can’t go home again.”

After a five year absence from the RVA scene, things had changed.  We don’t live in a vacuum and you can’t preserve relationships in amber.  The group of W&M grads that made RVA our home in the early 2000s had morphed from young, newlyweds into no/one/two or three+ child families.  Some couples had divorced. Some had moved away.  The dynamic that made me pine for relationships lost while we made a life in Norfolk was no more.  A new dynamic was in place, and it was like starting over.

Case in point (and I’m leaving off names here for a reason): There was a woman with whom I was really looking forward to reconnect with once we got back to town.  She and I had been new moms together, which is pretty significant.  We went through early childhood milestones — me with Mo and her with her little biscuit — together.   I leapfrogged over her by having not one, but two more kids.  My triumphant return to RVA lead me to believe we would just pick up where we left off;  my kids and her kid would be fast friends.  

It didn’t happen.  

Suffice it to say,  we got together once or twice and found that we just didn’t have anything in common any more.  That’s not unusual, seeing as how people grow and change as just a normal part of life.  I realized that I was extremely reluctant to tell her that I was expecting Vivi because I knew that it was going to be the last nail in the coffin.  Sadly, I was right.  I haven’t heard from her aside from the obligatory Christmas card. 

In hindsight, I wonder if maybe I dropped the ball by not inquiring as to what happened.  Maybe she was having fertility issues and felt that I was flaunting my overachieving ovaries or something. Maybe she was having some kind of life situation that just made it difficult for us to be friends.  I’ll never know for sure, but I’d like to think I would have taken that type of admission from her with some grace instead of just being dropped off on the side of the road.

Believe me, that smarts.  

Here’s another doozy of a story.  There’s a woman I met shortly after we moved back, about two summers ago.  She was a friend of a friend.  She’s the type of woman you see and think, “Wow, she is SO cool.”  She’s the Carrie Bradshaw, the Leslie Knope, the Liz Lemon or the Olivia Pope type that would so perfectly compliment you.  Not hanging out with her would be like asking Kim Kardashian for parenting advice. 

Anyway, she and I caught up at few other places where we knew people in common.  I suggested we grab coffee sometime, which we did.  We had our kids have playdates together.  We’d text and make plans to hang out, but then the plans were never executed.  I didn’t notice it at first, I mean who doesn’t have a crap ton of things to do all the time?  I’m bad about returning texts.  I break plans sometimes.  It happens.  If she and I couldn’t get together, then we’d plan for another time.  

Then we were planning for another time.  Which brings us to the last time. We planned to get together for coffee after doing our respective carpool runs one morning.  Just as I am pulling up to our coffee spot (oh, who am I kidding, you know it’s Starbucks), I get a text from her saying that she can’t make it because Verizon was coming to her house that afternoon. 

Afternoon.  It’s 8:20 on a Thursday morning, but then I got it.  I was being dismissed.  So, being at Starbucks, I got myself a latte.  Then I sat and stewed. 

Was it my breath? Was I a hanger-on? I kept thinking about what it was that I had done or not done.  But in the end, I stopped trying to lay blame and decided that it was her loss. Maybe, the universe was trying to tell me that she wasn’t the type of person I needed in my circle of trust. 

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After I’d had that epiphany, I fired off a “too bad, so sad” kind of text, purposefully omitting any “Oh, let’s reschedule” type of talk. I sipped my latte and decided:

I’m not going to chase you. 

That afternoon in carpool, the above quote pretty much leapt out at me, and I knew I’d done the right thing.   Oh, and as a post-script to that story?  This broad had the nerve to call me up later on the in the week to ask me if I could take a few pictures of her child for some look-book she wanted to submit photos for. . .as a favor!  

Deep cleansing breath. . .deep cleansing breath . . . 

Anyway, I have decided that this above quote is going to be my touchstone going forward.  I can’t change people. I can only work on myself and I need to remember that. I will be me. I will do my own thing. I will work hard.  I will cultivate the relationships with the people who belong in my life, for they truly are the right people.  Our friendships will endure. 

Oh, and one last thing. . . I am going to make sure my girls read, repeat, and remember this, not just for their little girl-friends, but when the young men start to enter the picture.  I’m just sayin’!



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IN: ON: January 14, 2013 TAGS: , , , BY: Hilary
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